16/12/2016
You know Christmas is near when Strictly is coming to an end. We're not bothering with decorations this year because the builders are coming on the 3rd of January to start building our new kitchen. I'll be moving out to my mother-in-laws while they are here because I need my hot porridge breakfast and a hot dinner and tea. My husband likes sandwiches and cold meat. It's funny how we are together because he's a lot different to me in many ways. I like to be warm and he likes the cold. I like plain food he likes curries and Chinese. I don't mind the occasional Chinese, but they give you so much. I like the smell of curry, but can't eat anything spicy. Basically, anything foul smelling, like pickled onions yuk he likes and I don't. It's a bother at mealtimes. What we do have in common is a sense of humour. At the moment the favourite comedy is 'The Big Bang Theory'. Can't wait till they show series ten. Everything is being cancelled for Christmas now so I hope they put something good on instead over the festive period.
I couldn't stop laughing at what Ross Noble said in QI. He started talking about SAT NAVS, and said when he was in Australia the SAT NAV said to take a certain road and stay on it for 2 days and then he missed the turning to get off. I was almost sick with laughter. I guess it's all to do with the delivery.
Anyway hope you're enjoying the run up to Christmas and it's not too crazy for you
Bye for now
Friday 16 December 2016
Thursday 15 December 2016
Back and all guns blazing
15/12/2016
Hi everyone I'm back. my telephone is working now and my internet connection. A friend in church has put my blog on her twitter account and my twitter account is @Dalea1Carol. So it's all happening now I hope, but I'm sad that Strictly is nearly at it's end boohoo! I'm getting fat on mince pies and biscuits, I'll be stopping eating again if this keeps up. I don't like feeling fat and bloated and too big for my clothes. I'm sure I felt healthier when I was 6 stone. Getting more and more anxious as Christmas approaches. It's like that every year for me. If I'm fortunate to time it right, I'll get enough Diazepam from the doctor to see me through to the New Year.
Bye for now
Hi everyone I'm back. my telephone is working now and my internet connection. A friend in church has put my blog on her twitter account and my twitter account is @Dalea1Carol. So it's all happening now I hope, but I'm sad that Strictly is nearly at it's end boohoo! I'm getting fat on mince pies and biscuits, I'll be stopping eating again if this keeps up. I don't like feeling fat and bloated and too big for my clothes. I'm sure I felt healthier when I was 6 stone. Getting more and more anxious as Christmas approaches. It's like that every year for me. If I'm fortunate to time it right, I'll get enough Diazepam from the doctor to see me through to the New Year.
Bye for now
Thursday 8 December 2016
Mince pies and weighing scales
8/12/2016
Well I don't think anyone has to worry about me being too thin anymore. The mince pies have put me over half way from 8 to 9 stone now and I feel fat. It's all round my body. Ha, Ha, I'll have to go on a diet. Hope it doesn't send me back down that slippery slope to prisoner of war camp look, I had before.
Posted my Christmas cards, went to the church office to post the local ones by the scouts box 30 pence a card isn't too bad I don't think.
I don't like the new mini Co-op just round the corner from us because it never seems to have what I want. I went to the fridge to cook myself a quiche for tea but there was none there I felt like old Mother Hubbard, so I popped round to the co-op and all the cheese & onion quiche had gone. I don't like quiche Lorraine; that's all they had left.
I went to the chemist to collect my prescription which I should have collected about Tuesday. there was a long line of people waiting to be served. a mother and her young son were in front of me. How old does a person need to be to understand the concept of germs. the child was coughing all the time; no hand to the mouth and the mother not instructing him to do so. Chemists and Doctors surgeries are the worst or best (depending which way you look at it for picking up a virus. so I hope I've not picked up something from the cough machine.
Bye for now
Well I don't think anyone has to worry about me being too thin anymore. The mince pies have put me over half way from 8 to 9 stone now and I feel fat. It's all round my body. Ha, Ha, I'll have to go on a diet. Hope it doesn't send me back down that slippery slope to prisoner of war camp look, I had before.
Posted my Christmas cards, went to the church office to post the local ones by the scouts box 30 pence a card isn't too bad I don't think.
I don't like the new mini Co-op just round the corner from us because it never seems to have what I want. I went to the fridge to cook myself a quiche for tea but there was none there I felt like old Mother Hubbard, so I popped round to the co-op and all the cheese & onion quiche had gone. I don't like quiche Lorraine; that's all they had left.
I went to the chemist to collect my prescription which I should have collected about Tuesday. there was a long line of people waiting to be served. a mother and her young son were in front of me. How old does a person need to be to understand the concept of germs. the child was coughing all the time; no hand to the mouth and the mother not instructing him to do so. Chemists and Doctors surgeries are the worst or best (depending which way you look at it for picking up a virus. so I hope I've not picked up something from the cough machine.
Bye for now
Wednesday 7 December 2016
So it's Christmas 'BRING IT ON'
7/12/2016
Unlike Samson who lost his strength when he had his hair cut, I had my hair cut this morning and I feel ten years younger. The hairdresser asked me when was the last time I went to the hairdressers and I said 3 years, but in fact it was 4. I had it cut to go to my nieces wedding.
I have finally finished all my cards (I expect I'll think of some more; oh yes the neighbours) well for posting anyway so I will do that tomorrow and I've bought a few presents; don't get much so I'm just about ready; 'Bring it on'.
The only problem is that because we are having the kitchen done at the ridiculous time of January 3rd we will be spending our Christmas holidays clearing the kitchen and my bedroom. Well it isn't my bedroom it's just mine because I used to teach guitar in it, so it's filled with guitars and music, this computer and all the rest of my stuff, which has become a bomb site over the last few weeks because of having to find things quickly and not putting them back straight away due to fatigue.
A little at a time and I can cope.
Bye for now
Unlike Samson who lost his strength when he had his hair cut, I had my hair cut this morning and I feel ten years younger. The hairdresser asked me when was the last time I went to the hairdressers and I said 3 years, but in fact it was 4. I had it cut to go to my nieces wedding.
I have finally finished all my cards (I expect I'll think of some more; oh yes the neighbours) well for posting anyway so I will do that tomorrow and I've bought a few presents; don't get much so I'm just about ready; 'Bring it on'.
The only problem is that because we are having the kitchen done at the ridiculous time of January 3rd we will be spending our Christmas holidays clearing the kitchen and my bedroom. Well it isn't my bedroom it's just mine because I used to teach guitar in it, so it's filled with guitars and music, this computer and all the rest of my stuff, which has become a bomb site over the last few weeks because of having to find things quickly and not putting them back straight away due to fatigue.
A little at a time and I can cope.
Bye for now
Tuesday 6 December 2016
IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!!
6TH December 2016
Just thought I'd get that shouted out of my system so I can calm down now and relax for the rest of it, fat chance. Anyway I've almost finished my cards; just got a few more letters to print out. We're not putting any decorations up for Christmas 'cos we're going to have a new kitchen fitted in JANUARY. Yep. What a stupid time to do it. It will probably snow and temperatures will drop to below freezing. I'm staying with my Mother-in-law, so that will prove an interesting time for us to get to know each other better, but I'll try and get back home every day to do my blog and check my emails.
I think it's the cold weather, but I just can't stop eating all the time; swallowing still isn't back to normal though for liquids. I'm off to get my hair cut tomorrow. The last time was my nieces wedding about 3 years ago, so it's quite long now. Time for bed then if I'm to face the hairdresser in the morning.
Bye for now
Just thought I'd get that shouted out of my system so I can calm down now and relax for the rest of it, fat chance. Anyway I've almost finished my cards; just got a few more letters to print out. We're not putting any decorations up for Christmas 'cos we're going to have a new kitchen fitted in JANUARY. Yep. What a stupid time to do it. It will probably snow and temperatures will drop to below freezing. I'm staying with my Mother-in-law, so that will prove an interesting time for us to get to know each other better, but I'll try and get back home every day to do my blog and check my emails.
I think it's the cold weather, but I just can't stop eating all the time; swallowing still isn't back to normal though for liquids. I'm off to get my hair cut tomorrow. The last time was my nieces wedding about 3 years ago, so it's quite long now. Time for bed then if I'm to face the hairdresser in the morning.
Bye for now
Monday 5 December 2016
Square eyes and a swollen tongue
5th December 2016
All I've done today apart from shower dress eat and pop to the post office is sit on my couch and get Christmas cards ready for sending whilst watching endless TV either from the saved Programme or BBC I player.
I've got a bit of a headache funnily enough. the worst part about it is that I still haven't finished!
I only asked for 20 stamps at the post office I should have asked for more. I'll have to cut a few people off my list I think, you know people who you have no relevant connection with anymore. It's quite tiring especially when people keep moving all the time. I have one friend who seems to have a new address every year, and the annoying thing is she tells you after you've sent her a card at the old address. Oh well.
I'm definitely putting on too much weight now' it's mince pie season oh dear!
Bye for now
All I've done today apart from shower dress eat and pop to the post office is sit on my couch and get Christmas cards ready for sending whilst watching endless TV either from the saved Programme or BBC I player.
I've got a bit of a headache funnily enough. the worst part about it is that I still haven't finished!
I only asked for 20 stamps at the post office I should have asked for more. I'll have to cut a few people off my list I think, you know people who you have no relevant connection with anymore. It's quite tiring especially when people keep moving all the time. I have one friend who seems to have a new address every year, and the annoying thing is she tells you after you've sent her a card at the old address. Oh well.
I'm definitely putting on too much weight now' it's mince pie season oh dear!
Bye for now
Sunday 4 December 2016
Baby it's cold outside
Sunday 4th December 2016
It's odd that God was supposed to have made Sunday a day of rest, but it's the day of the week when I get up the earliest, in the dark and on a day like today have to de-ice the car to make it to the 9 O'clock church service, in order to receive communion. That's the only service where communion is definitely given in the week. There is a 10.30 service, but that only offers communion once a month and I've found that I really need Communion. It's like a weekly fix that keeps me going through life; a purpose if you will of higher things. Even though I can't do much in my life at the moment because of my M.S. and Fibromyalgia. I can still go to church and do this blog. There must be a reason for it somewhere.
I've started my Christmas cards; a little late for me. I used to have a prayer group that came about by praying on a specific topic once a month. That seems to have fizzled out now but I still keep in touch with a few from the group at Christmas; let them know what's happened in my life over the year.
Still a bit constipated haven't been today. Thought I'd share that with you. My husband says must I? and sarcastically says 'thank you for sharing I couldn't have lasted the day without knowing'. To which I reply ' I thought not'
Bye for now
It's odd that God was supposed to have made Sunday a day of rest, but it's the day of the week when I get up the earliest, in the dark and on a day like today have to de-ice the car to make it to the 9 O'clock church service, in order to receive communion. That's the only service where communion is definitely given in the week. There is a 10.30 service, but that only offers communion once a month and I've found that I really need Communion. It's like a weekly fix that keeps me going through life; a purpose if you will of higher things. Even though I can't do much in my life at the moment because of my M.S. and Fibromyalgia. I can still go to church and do this blog. There must be a reason for it somewhere.
I've started my Christmas cards; a little late for me. I used to have a prayer group that came about by praying on a specific topic once a month. That seems to have fizzled out now but I still keep in touch with a few from the group at Christmas; let them know what's happened in my life over the year.
Still a bit constipated haven't been today. Thought I'd share that with you. My husband says must I? and sarcastically says 'thank you for sharing I couldn't have lasted the day without knowing'. To which I reply ' I thought not'
Bye for now
Saturday 3 December 2016
Christmas party done
3/12/2016
Well that's another year over for the Nursing Home Christmas Party. Thank goodness someone else did the raffle instead of me. I did feel a little bit of an imposter being there though. I managed to get some good photos to put into card frames which can either be sent off as Christmas cards or kept on someone's mantelpiece. I managed to pop into the back of a store selling half price toys yesterday for the Children's Toy service tomorrow, so I think my Christmas shopping is done (got a few little things to put in my husband's Stocking
I've yet to send out my Christmas cards though, so that's my job over the next few days and downloading the photos to fit in the cards.
Bye for now
Well that's another year over for the Nursing Home Christmas Party. Thank goodness someone else did the raffle instead of me. I did feel a little bit of an imposter being there though. I managed to get some good photos to put into card frames which can either be sent off as Christmas cards or kept on someone's mantelpiece. I managed to pop into the back of a store selling half price toys yesterday for the Children's Toy service tomorrow, so I think my Christmas shopping is done (got a few little things to put in my husband's Stocking
I've yet to send out my Christmas cards though, so that's my job over the next few days and downloading the photos to fit in the cards.
Bye for now
Friday 2 December 2016
It's coming on Christams, They're cuttimg down the trees
2/12/2016
That's the first line of a Joni Mitchel song 2nd line; They're puttin' up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace; Oh I wish I had a river to skate away on. Yes that's my favourite Christmas song. I always get stressed at Christmas; there's so much to do, but this year I'm feeling chilled for some strange reason. Tomorrow is the Christmas party up the nursing home, that always stressed me out big time; I would do the raffle and try to take photographs for the newsletter and video some of the songs to show them in the following week. Everyone tends to buy their tickets at the last minute and also bring extra prizes, so it's a mad house.; but someone else is doing it tomorrow. The CD wasn't working today either and we will need that for tomorrow. I'm leaving that in their hands,; it's not my responsibility anymore; see I'm chilled.
The other thing that stresses me out at this time of the year is the fact that it's my birthday is 3 days before Christmas and everyone is asking for 2 lists one for my birthday and one for Christmas and I very often don't want anything. My niece is still in South Wales so we just exchange money, which is a bit pointless really. I only get presents now for my husband (just little joky things for a stocking about a fiver) and close friends.
Well I hope you are all chilled for this Christmas
Bye for now.
That's the first line of a Joni Mitchel song 2nd line; They're puttin' up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace; Oh I wish I had a river to skate away on. Yes that's my favourite Christmas song. I always get stressed at Christmas; there's so much to do, but this year I'm feeling chilled for some strange reason. Tomorrow is the Christmas party up the nursing home, that always stressed me out big time; I would do the raffle and try to take photographs for the newsletter and video some of the songs to show them in the following week. Everyone tends to buy their tickets at the last minute and also bring extra prizes, so it's a mad house.; but someone else is doing it tomorrow. The CD wasn't working today either and we will need that for tomorrow. I'm leaving that in their hands,; it's not my responsibility anymore; see I'm chilled.
The other thing that stresses me out at this time of the year is the fact that it's my birthday is 3 days before Christmas and everyone is asking for 2 lists one for my birthday and one for Christmas and I very often don't want anything. My niece is still in South Wales so we just exchange money, which is a bit pointless really. I only get presents now for my husband (just little joky things for a stocking about a fiver) and close friends.
Well I hope you are all chilled for this Christmas
Bye for now.
Thursday 1 December 2016
Another day another blog
How long can I keep this up? It's like a new year's resolution. It will be difficult in January, when we have our new kitchen fitted. I will be staying at my mother-in laws house in order to have cooked meals. I have finished with the supplementary foods now, i.e. Fortecremes and fortisips. I am seeing the doctor tomorrow to see what else I can give up. I know it's not the Ranitidine (for acid reflux) because I had terrible burning in my oesophagus when we stayed at the Premiere inn overnight on the week end. This was just an exercise to see if their beds were more comfortable than what we have now, because I wake up every morning with such pain in my back that I can hardly move myself up to get out of bed. It eases once I hit the shower and feel the hot water on my back, but it's back again the next night.
We had our last house group for this year. I started to say about January and realised that we couldn't have one in my house in January because of the kitchen. So we've left that up in the air for now, as with just about everything else in my life right now.
I have to make a start on my Christmas cards now, while I have the time.
I don't lead the most exciting of lives in the world do I?
Bye for now
We had our last house group for this year. I started to say about January and realised that we couldn't have one in my house in January because of the kitchen. So we've left that up in the air for now, as with just about everything else in my life right now.
I have to make a start on my Christmas cards now, while I have the time.
I don't lead the most exciting of lives in the world do I?
Bye for now
Wednesday 30 November 2016
second blog of a new dawn
30/11/2016
I'm trying to keep my word at doing a blog a day to keep the demons at bay.
So this is today's entry. Like captains log star date #### I was going to get up early this morning to get to the 10am Service at my church, but my husband got up first so I didn't make it. I spent half an hour on the loo and still had nothing to show for it. Now I'm starving because it's 11.45 am. I also forgot to put the potatoes in the oven for lunch. We usually lunch in the middle of the day if we can because it's supposed to be better for your metabolism than eating late at night. I don't know if it's this cold weather, but I'm hungry all the time now.
I have joined twitter so my twitter account is @dalea1carol. I still have no idea what I'm doing with Facebook or now twitter or this blog.
Bye from the bewildered problem swallower
I'm trying to keep my word at doing a blog a day to keep the demons at bay.
So this is today's entry. Like captains log star date #### I was going to get up early this morning to get to the 10am Service at my church, but my husband got up first so I didn't make it. I spent half an hour on the loo and still had nothing to show for it. Now I'm starving because it's 11.45 am. I also forgot to put the potatoes in the oven for lunch. We usually lunch in the middle of the day if we can because it's supposed to be better for your metabolism than eating late at night. I don't know if it's this cold weather, but I'm hungry all the time now.
I have joined twitter so my twitter account is @dalea1carol. I still have no idea what I'm doing with Facebook or now twitter or this blog.
Bye from the bewildered problem swallower
Tuesday 29 November 2016
A blog a day keeps the demons at bay
I've been neglecting my blog lately, that's because no-one seems to be able to find it and as I started this blog because I had dysphagia (problems swallowing), there isn't so much to say now in that my weight has gone back to what it was unfortunately, (I would like it to have stopped before I got to feel fat and bloated again) and although my swallowing isn't back to normal, that too is getting better, though I do take a long time to eat now and drink. I still don't think I'm drinking enough a day.
So I've decided to write about other things, not that my life is all that exciting at the moment. I just had what will probably be the last session with a counsellor. He'll be retiring in June next year anyway. I was thinking this morning that on my gravestone they should put 'Well I tried'. I feel like nothing I ever do is good enough. I shared this with my counsellor and he said I am enough. Everyone feels on the outside looking in at times and very often the chit chat is a façade, to cover up that they feel left out as well.
I will endeavor to do more blogs and hope that people are getting them.
I'm having difficulty answering Facebook messages. I type a reply, but then the message comes up do you want to leave this page or do you want to stay on this page, you haven't finished your reply. I don't know what that means because I have finished it and I can't send it off. I think people are having problems replying to this blog too and I don't know what to do about that either.
Hey ho it's time to get Christmas started by sending out my annual cards.
Bye for now
So I've decided to write about other things, not that my life is all that exciting at the moment. I just had what will probably be the last session with a counsellor. He'll be retiring in June next year anyway. I was thinking this morning that on my gravestone they should put 'Well I tried'. I feel like nothing I ever do is good enough. I shared this with my counsellor and he said I am enough. Everyone feels on the outside looking in at times and very often the chit chat is a façade, to cover up that they feel left out as well.
I will endeavor to do more blogs and hope that people are getting them.
I'm having difficulty answering Facebook messages. I type a reply, but then the message comes up do you want to leave this page or do you want to stay on this page, you haven't finished your reply. I don't know what that means because I have finished it and I can't send it off. I think people are having problems replying to this blog too and I don't know what to do about that either.
Hey ho it's time to get Christmas started by sending out my annual cards.
Bye for now
Thursday 3 November 2016
One Teasshirt short of a full load again
Yes I did it again folks; taking about never knowing what day it is, I put the Wednesday wash clothes out on Monday night only this I knew why I was a T shirt short. Everything's creeping up on me so quickly. I don't get any time to prepare myself for the day ahead. I have to think about remembrance Sunday now and Autumn Songs to sing with my poet friend, for the nursing home. I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow about changing my medication now that I've reached 8 stone 3. I think I'll have to stop taking the fortecremes and maybe the Fortisips. Trouble is I don't know what to take instead and I get really hungry now, and still not swallowing properly so worried that I'm dehydrated.
Anyway bye for now and wrap up it's getting colder.
Anyway bye for now and wrap up it's getting colder.
Friday 14 October 2016
Groundhog days and groundhog weeks
14th October 2016 (Friday)
I woke up this morning as most mornings, not knowing what day it was. I had to ask my husband and he bombarded me with questions like where am I who's the prime minister, which I couldn't answer because of my lack of interest in politics. I finally said as I looked out the curtains 'Theresa May'. that was about 5 minutes later. I was wondering as I ;aid the clothes out for washing last night, why I was a Tee shirt short. I went to sleep perplexing on it to find out that I'm a day early; washday is Saturday; today is Friday.
Everyday is nearly the same. Porridge for breakfast with pears and stewed apple mid morning is a Fortecreme and lunch time is my main meal of the da except days like today when I have to go out p.m. and I have scrambled egg on toast as I do every other day at 4ish, because I'm still taking a long time to eat.
Bed at 9pm and a diazepam to get to sleep after writing an indecipherable diary and praying the Lords prayer of protection while I sleep (see earlier entry on prayer).
I managed to get my filling done yesterday after 40 mg of diazepam down me. I held my left arm up once to swallow, but no choking this time. I'm 8 stone now and I don't like it. I did a little exercise from Mr Motivator's DVD (well the bit he's got on YouTube for M..S.just the warm up and seated exercises and I've put weight on ;Typical)
Otherwise it's the same old thing day after day.; week after week. my feet are no longer puffy, but still hurting.
Happy Groundhog day
Bye for now
I woke up this morning as most mornings, not knowing what day it was. I had to ask my husband and he bombarded me with questions like where am I who's the prime minister, which I couldn't answer because of my lack of interest in politics. I finally said as I looked out the curtains 'Theresa May'. that was about 5 minutes later. I was wondering as I ;aid the clothes out for washing last night, why I was a Tee shirt short. I went to sleep perplexing on it to find out that I'm a day early; washday is Saturday; today is Friday.
Everyday is nearly the same. Porridge for breakfast with pears and stewed apple mid morning is a Fortecreme and lunch time is my main meal of the da except days like today when I have to go out p.m. and I have scrambled egg on toast as I do every other day at 4ish, because I'm still taking a long time to eat.
Bed at 9pm and a diazepam to get to sleep after writing an indecipherable diary and praying the Lords prayer of protection while I sleep (see earlier entry on prayer).
I managed to get my filling done yesterday after 40 mg of diazepam down me. I held my left arm up once to swallow, but no choking this time. I'm 8 stone now and I don't like it. I did a little exercise from Mr Motivator's DVD (well the bit he's got on YouTube for M..S.just the warm up and seated exercises and I've put weight on ;Typical)
Otherwise it's the same old thing day after day.; week after week. my feet are no longer puffy, but still hurting.
Happy Groundhog day
Bye for now
Saturday 8 October 2016
Everryone has their demons
8th October 2016
It's definitely fear that affects my swallowing. Ever since I've known I have to have a replacement filling, I've taken a step back with my swallowing. I seem to have to clear my throat a thousand times before swallowing everything and thus the time to eat has increased again; back to 2 hours to eat my dinner last night and then I didn't finish it and it was a kiddies meal, with my own veg. I also saw the chiropodist yesterday about this pain under my right big toenail and she said the only cure is to take a slice of the toenail off, so naturally I wasn't too happy about that. Last night I dreamt I was a prisoner of war and we were all rounded up and had to take s certain medicine. I thought it would taste horrible but it didn't, but I felt a little strange afterwards, like I do when I've taken too much diazepam.
That reminds me I have to get some medicine from the chemist now before he shuts for the weekend.
I once wrote a song called 'Demons'. 'Demons go away and don't come back again is in the chorus'
Bye for now
It's definitely fear that affects my swallowing. Ever since I've known I have to have a replacement filling, I've taken a step back with my swallowing. I seem to have to clear my throat a thousand times before swallowing everything and thus the time to eat has increased again; back to 2 hours to eat my dinner last night and then I didn't finish it and it was a kiddies meal, with my own veg. I also saw the chiropodist yesterday about this pain under my right big toenail and she said the only cure is to take a slice of the toenail off, so naturally I wasn't too happy about that. Last night I dreamt I was a prisoner of war and we were all rounded up and had to take s certain medicine. I thought it would taste horrible but it didn't, but I felt a little strange afterwards, like I do when I've taken too much diazepam.
That reminds me I have to get some medicine from the chemist now before he shuts for the weekend.
I once wrote a song called 'Demons'. 'Demons go away and don't come back again is in the chorus'
Bye for now
Wednesday 28 September 2016
Light at the end of the tunnel, but not from an oncoming train
28/9/2016
I'm getting bored with the same food every day, so for a change today I had a baked potato and tuna, mayo and veg. It was a fairly large potato which even my husband said he would struggle with, but I was scraping the last remnants out of it like a dog at a bone. I even commented how lovely it was. Maybe this is because I had just come from a good session with my counsellor where to help me with the dentist problem, he told me I can do the meditation myself without the help of a recording. I simply have to sit comfortably and visualise the bright light, above my head, forming a healing cone around me. Starting from the top of my head relaxing down like a body scan, till it reaches the floor and out. If I have any negative thoughts then put them to one side saying I'll deal with you later or something like that. I had a few goes and it did relax me, as that's shat he said seems to be the most important thing for me to be able to do right now. He's retiring soon, so my next session in a months time will probably be my last, but thanks to fortuity, I think for once in my life I may have got the timing right and won't need to see him any more. I'm up to 7 stone 12 now, but I'm still a little slow at swallowing and especially drinking, but I see a light at the end of the tunnel now and it's not from a coming train.
I'm so glad that 'Strictly' is back.
We've just about finalised the kitchen plans and we'll be going to sign on the dotted line this week. So that's relieved the boredom a little.
Anyway
Bye for now
I'm getting bored with the same food every day, so for a change today I had a baked potato and tuna, mayo and veg. It was a fairly large potato which even my husband said he would struggle with, but I was scraping the last remnants out of it like a dog at a bone. I even commented how lovely it was. Maybe this is because I had just come from a good session with my counsellor where to help me with the dentist problem, he told me I can do the meditation myself without the help of a recording. I simply have to sit comfortably and visualise the bright light, above my head, forming a healing cone around me. Starting from the top of my head relaxing down like a body scan, till it reaches the floor and out. If I have any negative thoughts then put them to one side saying I'll deal with you later or something like that. I had a few goes and it did relax me, as that's shat he said seems to be the most important thing for me to be able to do right now. He's retiring soon, so my next session in a months time will probably be my last, but thanks to fortuity, I think for once in my life I may have got the timing right and won't need to see him any more. I'm up to 7 stone 12 now, but I'm still a little slow at swallowing and especially drinking, but I see a light at the end of the tunnel now and it's not from a coming train.
I'm so glad that 'Strictly' is back.
We've just about finalised the kitchen plans and we'll be going to sign on the dotted line this week. So that's relieved the boredom a little.
Anyway
Bye for now
Tuesday 20 September 2016
What a bummer
20th September 2016
For about 4 years now we have been dreaming and plotting to go to America for what will probably be our last opportunity, to see the total eclipse. We didn't book it in advance because we didn't know how I would be. If you look at what accommodation is left for the eclipse day; it is 95% full (well probably 100% by now) and every room has doubled or tripled in value. Our major problem as far as I'm concerned is that all my medication is in liquid form, because I can't swallow tablets. That would make an interesting time at the airport for starters. We'd have to get the equivalent blue badge for every State we drive through, and I don't know if we can get insurance for M.S. some car companies don't want to know. So it looks like our plans have to be abandoned. frankly I don't think I'd have the energy to do what we used to do on our previous holidays many years ago now. how I wish I could be that well again.
What a bummer
Anyway Strictly starts soon Yay!
Bye for now
For about 4 years now we have been dreaming and plotting to go to America for what will probably be our last opportunity, to see the total eclipse. We didn't book it in advance because we didn't know how I would be. If you look at what accommodation is left for the eclipse day; it is 95% full (well probably 100% by now) and every room has doubled or tripled in value. Our major problem as far as I'm concerned is that all my medication is in liquid form, because I can't swallow tablets. That would make an interesting time at the airport for starters. We'd have to get the equivalent blue badge for every State we drive through, and I don't know if we can get insurance for M.S. some car companies don't want to know. So it looks like our plans have to be abandoned. frankly I don't think I'd have the energy to do what we used to do on our previous holidays many years ago now. how I wish I could be that well again.
What a bummer
Anyway Strictly starts soon Yay!
Bye for now
Friday 9 September 2016
When you gotta blow you gotta blow,( but act natural)
Friday 9th September 2016
One of the troubles with not being able to eat enough or not eating the right stuff is constipation.
Last night we had a service in our church to induct our new vicar. There was no-one sitting either side of me which was good, but our Youth leader and his wife were sitting directly behind. Now after spending thirty minutes on the loo this morning I still wasn't able to go all day, not even after lunch, so I took a Movecal which is supposed to help, but all it did was give me very small farts all afternoon and into the evening. Well you can't undo what you've done, so I went to the service sat as far away as I could from people, but you can't stop someone sitting behind you. I guess I could have given them a warning. Every time I stood up to sing and a couple of times when I was praying out they came. Fortunately they weren't very loud or smelly (well at least not to me). I didn't like to ask our youth leader and wife or I would have given the game away. On reflection it may have been better to sit in a group of people and look around quizzically.
My swollen feet have started to go down, now that the weather is a bit cooler. I weighed myself this morning and I am now 7 stone 9 pounds. I don't really want to get up to 8 stone as I am only 5 feet 2. My big belly is starting to come back through lack of exercise. I still haven't found a good time to exercise yet, when I'm not exhausted from doing ordinary housework (not that I do much).
I'll have to read up on managing my comments because my niece said she couldn't comment when she tried.
Bye for now
One of the troubles with not being able to eat enough or not eating the right stuff is constipation.
Last night we had a service in our church to induct our new vicar. There was no-one sitting either side of me which was good, but our Youth leader and his wife were sitting directly behind. Now after spending thirty minutes on the loo this morning I still wasn't able to go all day, not even after lunch, so I took a Movecal which is supposed to help, but all it did was give me very small farts all afternoon and into the evening. Well you can't undo what you've done, so I went to the service sat as far away as I could from people, but you can't stop someone sitting behind you. I guess I could have given them a warning. Every time I stood up to sing and a couple of times when I was praying out they came. Fortunately they weren't very loud or smelly (well at least not to me). I didn't like to ask our youth leader and wife or I would have given the game away. On reflection it may have been better to sit in a group of people and look around quizzically.
My swollen feet have started to go down, now that the weather is a bit cooler. I weighed myself this morning and I am now 7 stone 9 pounds. I don't really want to get up to 8 stone as I am only 5 feet 2. My big belly is starting to come back through lack of exercise. I still haven't found a good time to exercise yet, when I'm not exhausted from doing ordinary housework (not that I do much).
I'll have to read up on managing my comments because my niece said she couldn't comment when she tried.
Bye for now
Monday 5 September 2016
Not a Happy Bunny
September 5th 2016
I am not a happy bunny today. I went for a dental check up yesterday and I need a replacement filling, aaaaaaah! I have to take Diazepam to go just for a check up and she wasn't allowed to use the water to clean out my mouth because of me having a choking fit last time any water touched the back of my throat, so this is going to be very interesting if nothing else and will require diazepam again (a lot).
I had a dream, or was thinking a few nights ago about what am I able to do with my life now. I used to sing a lot, but haven't much of a voice now. I used to dance presentation dances in the church, but my body won't or can't do what I want it to most of the time, so I suddenly remembered that I like reading maps; Inspired by the Olympics and having to watch formula One on a Sunday with my husband I suddenly thought with a rush of adrenaline that I could be the co-driver with cross country rallying. we used to watch that a way back. This is absolutely absurd as I start screaming when my husband suddenly puts the pedal to the metal to overtake. It's just laughable (and I need Diazepam to go to the dentist). where's that bravery when you need it?
I had a better dream the other night; that I was teaching my class again and we were working in pairs on weight training, by pushing and having a tug of war. Can't see that happening for a while as I'm not doing any exercise at all now (well the occasional Tai chi). Just don't have the time because I'm always eating. I would like to give yoga a try again, but you're not supposed to do it just after eating, so when will I be able to do it?
Still Strictly is coming back in 2ish weeks. yeah!!!!As you can guess I'm a big fan.
Bye for now
I am not a happy bunny today. I went for a dental check up yesterday and I need a replacement filling, aaaaaaah! I have to take Diazepam to go just for a check up and she wasn't allowed to use the water to clean out my mouth because of me having a choking fit last time any water touched the back of my throat, so this is going to be very interesting if nothing else and will require diazepam again (a lot).
I had a dream, or was thinking a few nights ago about what am I able to do with my life now. I used to sing a lot, but haven't much of a voice now. I used to dance presentation dances in the church, but my body won't or can't do what I want it to most of the time, so I suddenly remembered that I like reading maps; Inspired by the Olympics and having to watch formula One on a Sunday with my husband I suddenly thought with a rush of adrenaline that I could be the co-driver with cross country rallying. we used to watch that a way back. This is absolutely absurd as I start screaming when my husband suddenly puts the pedal to the metal to overtake. It's just laughable (and I need Diazepam to go to the dentist). where's that bravery when you need it?
I had a better dream the other night; that I was teaching my class again and we were working in pairs on weight training, by pushing and having a tug of war. Can't see that happening for a while as I'm not doing any exercise at all now (well the occasional Tai chi). Just don't have the time because I'm always eating. I would like to give yoga a try again, but you're not supposed to do it just after eating, so when will I be able to do it?
Still Strictly is coming back in 2ish weeks. yeah!!!!As you can guess I'm a big fan.
Bye for now
Tuesday 30 August 2016
Changing habits
30th August 2016
You may be wondering why I have not commentated on my swallowing progress for a while, since I said I would try and swallow more quickly and not hold the drink or food in my mouth for a long time before swallowing. The reason for this is that unless the change is very miniscule, I have hardly noticed any. I just saw my counsellor this morning and he told me to think BIG. I am a dramatic dancer and I was asked to visualise how I would dance the way I feel now. which was all closed up and shrivelled and holding various parts of my body that ache or don't work so well. Then I was asked to visualise myself doing it without the constraints. this change in thinking brings Hope. Last time I saw him I had an affirmation to say to myself that I'm Kind Caring and Honest now, I am to change the Kind to hopeful. so I have 2 H's now HCH; Hopeful, Caring and Honest.
It's quite a nice day again today, so I've just been out the back garden doing my 18 Shi ba shi (I think that's how you spell them) Tai chi exercises; but it was very hot on my forehead so I'm a bit giddy now. My counsellor told me to see all the different colour greens there are. It's a bit hard with the sun in your eyes, but there are millions. Therefore there are millions of possibilities for change, if we open ourselves to the possibilities.
I've been challenged by my counsellor to change things again to get out of my rut. Remember, I changed my brush cleaning routine and it did have a slight freeing experience on me. So I am to think outside the box;. Challenge negative thinking and replace it with positive. Sounds familiar, so I'm still not doing it correctly. Just need a lot more practice.
Fold your arms. Now fold them the other way. It's not immediately easy is it? That's what changing our habits are like. Needs thought and practice
My feet are still puffy in this hot weather, by the way.
Bye for now
You may be wondering why I have not commentated on my swallowing progress for a while, since I said I would try and swallow more quickly and not hold the drink or food in my mouth for a long time before swallowing. The reason for this is that unless the change is very miniscule, I have hardly noticed any. I just saw my counsellor this morning and he told me to think BIG. I am a dramatic dancer and I was asked to visualise how I would dance the way I feel now. which was all closed up and shrivelled and holding various parts of my body that ache or don't work so well. Then I was asked to visualise myself doing it without the constraints. this change in thinking brings Hope. Last time I saw him I had an affirmation to say to myself that I'm Kind Caring and Honest now, I am to change the Kind to hopeful. so I have 2 H's now HCH; Hopeful, Caring and Honest.
It's quite a nice day again today, so I've just been out the back garden doing my 18 Shi ba shi (I think that's how you spell them) Tai chi exercises; but it was very hot on my forehead so I'm a bit giddy now. My counsellor told me to see all the different colour greens there are. It's a bit hard with the sun in your eyes, but there are millions. Therefore there are millions of possibilities for change, if we open ourselves to the possibilities.
I've been challenged by my counsellor to change things again to get out of my rut. Remember, I changed my brush cleaning routine and it did have a slight freeing experience on me. So I am to think outside the box;. Challenge negative thinking and replace it with positive. Sounds familiar, so I'm still not doing it correctly. Just need a lot more practice.
Fold your arms. Now fold them the other way. It's not immediately easy is it? That's what changing our habits are like. Needs thought and practice
My feet are still puffy in this hot weather, by the way.
Bye for now
Tuesday 23 August 2016
Athletic inspiration
23/8/2016
Well I've had a good report from my doctor. My blood test was normal and I'm 7 stone 6 pounds. The only problem now is that I'm still not swallowing normally and I've only manage to put weight on because I've been able to take twice as long as everyone else to ea
t my food. I have to get up that much earlier to allow time to eat; So I try not to have any early appointments. I wonder how long it will be before I can come off the Fortecremes and eat normally (swallow normally) soon I hope?
I must admit that following the Olympic team has inspired me to try and get more mobile and better my self in every way. What a fortnight we had!
Well I've had a good report from my doctor. My blood test was normal and I'm 7 stone 6 pounds. The only problem now is that I'm still not swallowing normally and I've only manage to put weight on because I've been able to take twice as long as everyone else to ea
t my food. I have to get up that much earlier to allow time to eat; So I try not to have any early appointments. I wonder how long it will be before I can come off the Fortecremes and eat normally (swallow normally) soon I hope?
I must admit that following the Olympic team has inspired me to try and get more mobile and better my self in every way. What a fortnight we had!
Tuesday 16 August 2016
Wherewithall
16/8/2016
I have been using that word Wherewithal a lot lately; the dictionary says it's about not having enough money; like 'I'm sorry I Don't have the wherewithal today' meaning I don't have enough money, but I think it best describes my abilities. I had lunch at my mother in laws on Sunday; She makes a great vegetable lasagne, but I was getting a bit embarrassed about how long it was taking me to eat it while everyone sat around trying to think up new topics of discussion, eventually I gave up and said' I don't have the wherewithal to eat any more'; It does cover a multitude of situations.
I am gradually still gaining weight so I'm up to 7 stone 3 and a 1/2 pounds, but I feel fat and bloated round the stomach. I hope to be able to build up my strength a bit with exercise, but it's difficult when most of your time in the day is taken up eating. I've been watching the Olympics and thinking why can't I run like that or do anything they are doing. I did that BBC on line match of your height and weight to the nearest Olympic competitor. I was matched with a rhythmic gymnast which would be right up my street as I use balls, hoops and ribbons to teach exercise when I am working. Of course we don't do anything like the gymnasts at Olympic standard. I haven't done my class for nearly a year now. I just wonder how long this is going to take for me to be able to eat normally again. We were hoping to go to America nest year to see the Eclipse, but I don't know how much hassle it would be and if I'd be still eating Fortecremes and drinking Fortesips, not to mention disability parking and getting through an airport; I'm not up to walking it at the moment, and I remember there being a lot of walking every time I've been to an airport.
Bye for now
I have been using that word Wherewithal a lot lately; the dictionary says it's about not having enough money; like 'I'm sorry I Don't have the wherewithal today' meaning I don't have enough money, but I think it best describes my abilities. I had lunch at my mother in laws on Sunday; She makes a great vegetable lasagne, but I was getting a bit embarrassed about how long it was taking me to eat it while everyone sat around trying to think up new topics of discussion, eventually I gave up and said' I don't have the wherewithal to eat any more'; It does cover a multitude of situations.
I am gradually still gaining weight so I'm up to 7 stone 3 and a 1/2 pounds, but I feel fat and bloated round the stomach. I hope to be able to build up my strength a bit with exercise, but it's difficult when most of your time in the day is taken up eating. I've been watching the Olympics and thinking why can't I run like that or do anything they are doing. I did that BBC on line match of your height and weight to the nearest Olympic competitor. I was matched with a rhythmic gymnast which would be right up my street as I use balls, hoops and ribbons to teach exercise when I am working. Of course we don't do anything like the gymnasts at Olympic standard. I haven't done my class for nearly a year now. I just wonder how long this is going to take for me to be able to eat normally again. We were hoping to go to America nest year to see the Eclipse, but I don't know how much hassle it would be and if I'd be still eating Fortecremes and drinking Fortesips, not to mention disability parking and getting through an airport; I'm not up to walking it at the moment, and I remember there being a lot of walking every time I've been to an airport.
Bye for now
Monday 8 August 2016
From the Incredible Shrinking Woman to the Invisible Woman
Mon 8/8/2016
When I was loosing weight at an alarming rate I felt like the incredible shrinking woman and there was no end in sight but death from my point of view. Now I'm putting on weight I feel fat, because it's all gone round my middle. I went to the Staff BarBQ at the Nursing Home where I go for one hour a week and I stayed inside watching the TV while all the other staff rushed around getting drinks and tables etc. set up. I looked at the food and thought I couldn't eat it anyway because it was spicy and not on my list of foods. I hadn't brought my Fortecreme, because I thought I would be eating something. But just sitting there not being able to help out made me feel redundant and invisible. I just took a couple of photos and left early.
Loss of confidence and energy has made me quite down not to mention the lack of sleep, which has added to my predicament. I really do feel like a nobody, a nothing right now because I can't do what I would like to be able to do to help out, and help myself.
I saw the counsellor this morning and I am to repeat a mantra to myself every day I am Kind, Caring and Honest. This is to help my low self esteem. I've been bogged down with negative thoughts about myself for so long that I can't think anything else right now If I recognise a negative thought,(which is nearly all the time) I am to drop it. Easier said than done, but I will give it a go.
Bye again
Problemswallower
When I was loosing weight at an alarming rate I felt like the incredible shrinking woman and there was no end in sight but death from my point of view. Now I'm putting on weight I feel fat, because it's all gone round my middle. I went to the Staff BarBQ at the Nursing Home where I go for one hour a week and I stayed inside watching the TV while all the other staff rushed around getting drinks and tables etc. set up. I looked at the food and thought I couldn't eat it anyway because it was spicy and not on my list of foods. I hadn't brought my Fortecreme, because I thought I would be eating something. But just sitting there not being able to help out made me feel redundant and invisible. I just took a couple of photos and left early.
Loss of confidence and energy has made me quite down not to mention the lack of sleep, which has added to my predicament. I really do feel like a nobody, a nothing right now because I can't do what I would like to be able to do to help out, and help myself.
I saw the counsellor this morning and I am to repeat a mantra to myself every day I am Kind, Caring and Honest. This is to help my low self esteem. I've been bogged down with negative thoughts about myself for so long that I can't think anything else right now If I recognise a negative thought,(which is nearly all the time) I am to drop it. Easier said than done, but I will give it a go.
Bye again
Problemswallower
Sunday 31 July 2016
The Good, the Bad and the ugly
31/7/2016
Hi I'm back at 7 stone YAY! I reached that goal anyway. I guess I'll have to set a new one maybe eating different things or trying to swallow properly a bit more. At the moment I hesitate and sometimes even hold my breath while the food is in my mouth before I swallow. New target then not to leave the food for so long before I swallow.
The bad news is that in my last post I said my pastor friend helped with my blog. He's not a pastor; he's a curate. I've been going to the Anglican church for about 30 years now and I still can't get the hang of all the trappings. It must be really hard for people who aren't even Christians or church goers to follow sometimes.
The Ugly news is my feet again. I must have the ugliest feet in the world. I went to the chiropodist to try and cure a pain under my big Right toenail and ended up having one on my Left as well. I'm seeing again on Tuesday; I hate confrontations so do I insist that she doesn't charge me for this as I think it's her fault. The other foot was fine it didn't hurt and if it works don't fix it is my motto (and they're still puffy). Great for my walking.
I had a really tough day yesterday. we've bee trying to get the kitchen clean for people to come round and give us quotes for a new one. But I didn't pace myself did I and paid for it in the afternoon; could hardly move; was a stiff as a board.
Anyway I'll stick to the positive for now and say I'm 7 stone Yay!
Bye for now
Hi I'm back at 7 stone YAY! I reached that goal anyway. I guess I'll have to set a new one maybe eating different things or trying to swallow properly a bit more. At the moment I hesitate and sometimes even hold my breath while the food is in my mouth before I swallow. New target then not to leave the food for so long before I swallow.
The bad news is that in my last post I said my pastor friend helped with my blog. He's not a pastor; he's a curate. I've been going to the Anglican church for about 30 years now and I still can't get the hang of all the trappings. It must be really hard for people who aren't even Christians or church goers to follow sometimes.
The Ugly news is my feet again. I must have the ugliest feet in the world. I went to the chiropodist to try and cure a pain under my big Right toenail and ended up having one on my Left as well. I'm seeing again on Tuesday; I hate confrontations so do I insist that she doesn't charge me for this as I think it's her fault. The other foot was fine it didn't hurt and if it works don't fix it is my motto (and they're still puffy). Great for my walking.
I had a really tough day yesterday. we've bee trying to get the kitchen clean for people to come round and give us quotes for a new one. But I didn't pace myself did I and paid for it in the afternoon; could hardly move; was a stiff as a board.
Anyway I'll stick to the positive for now and say I'm 7 stone Yay!
Bye for now
Tuesday 26 July 2016
New Information
26/7/2016
Well I asked my pastor to help me again to find out why I am getting no comments after he had sent me a comment which I couldn't read (I can now). Turns out that you can only comment on my blog if you have an email account with google (Gmail).
I have also been put on a link to MS's blog. I hope my blog is helpful to some of you. I guess that's why people go on Facebook, to do pretty much the same thing.
I am still at 6 stone 12, but realising my physical weakness from sitting so much. I am see a chiropodist tomorrow who is going to deal with a pain under my big right toe nail, which is just adding to my problems. My husband dreamt of leaving me last night. Was that wishful thinking. I sometimes (well nearly all the time) feel like I'm a burden and a bit of a waste of space. Wish I could do more and be stronger mentally as well as physically.
Bye
Well I asked my pastor to help me again to find out why I am getting no comments after he had sent me a comment which I couldn't read (I can now). Turns out that you can only comment on my blog if you have an email account with google (Gmail).
I have also been put on a link to MS's blog. I hope my blog is helpful to some of you. I guess that's why people go on Facebook, to do pretty much the same thing.
I am still at 6 stone 12, but realising my physical weakness from sitting so much. I am see a chiropodist tomorrow who is going to deal with a pain under my big right toe nail, which is just adding to my problems. My husband dreamt of leaving me last night. Was that wishful thinking. I sometimes (well nearly all the time) feel like I'm a burden and a bit of a waste of space. Wish I could do more and be stronger mentally as well as physically.
Bye
Saturday 23 July 2016
Concave armpits and really puffy feet
21/7/2016
I have been wanting to shave under my arms for months, but the trouble with loosing so much weight is that underneath, they went kind of concave, so I couldn't get at them. I've done a sort of shave now, but there's still that little line down the middle you just can't get at.
On the doctors advice I've started using my nasal spray again and yesterday I went through another box of hankies in one afternoon. I'm seriously considering buying shares in the tissue company. That affects the whole of your life. I've never had hay fever in my life as far as I'm aware, but I am allergic to house dust and mites. So I am really kicking myself that I didn't bring this subject up when I went to the ENT people. I've taken Ceterezine I think that's what it's called but it's one month out of date and very sweet, sickly syrup that made me cough and seemed to burn the back of my throat. Still I've stopped sneezing, but am still blowing my nose a lot.
It wasn't the Pregablin that caused my puffy feet, because they are puffier now than ever, so it has to be the heat, but again that's nothing I've experienced before.
Whenever I go to the doctors I usually have a long list of things to ask him and especially the last time I thought he couldn't get me out of the door fast enough. But all these things are a real bother to me and make my life difficult. I haven't been able to exercise if I wanted to with my runny nose and puffy feet, so everything is a real struggle for me at the moment.
Just tried oven chips and fish fingers for dinner, but they were too dry, so didn't eat much and haven't been able to open my bowels today.
Bye for now, from hot bloated and constipated
I have been wanting to shave under my arms for months, but the trouble with loosing so much weight is that underneath, they went kind of concave, so I couldn't get at them. I've done a sort of shave now, but there's still that little line down the middle you just can't get at.
On the doctors advice I've started using my nasal spray again and yesterday I went through another box of hankies in one afternoon. I'm seriously considering buying shares in the tissue company. That affects the whole of your life. I've never had hay fever in my life as far as I'm aware, but I am allergic to house dust and mites. So I am really kicking myself that I didn't bring this subject up when I went to the ENT people. I've taken Ceterezine I think that's what it's called but it's one month out of date and very sweet, sickly syrup that made me cough and seemed to burn the back of my throat. Still I've stopped sneezing, but am still blowing my nose a lot.
It wasn't the Pregablin that caused my puffy feet, because they are puffier now than ever, so it has to be the heat, but again that's nothing I've experienced before.
Whenever I go to the doctors I usually have a long list of things to ask him and especially the last time I thought he couldn't get me out of the door fast enough. But all these things are a real bother to me and make my life difficult. I haven't been able to exercise if I wanted to with my runny nose and puffy feet, so everything is a real struggle for me at the moment.
Just tried oven chips and fish fingers for dinner, but they were too dry, so didn't eat much and haven't been able to open my bowels today.
Bye for now, from hot bloated and constipated
Wednesday 20 July 2016
Much ado about nothing
Wednesday 20th 7 2016
I wish someone could have told me what my ENT was going to be like and then I wouldn't have fretted so much. I started off taking 5 mg of diazepam before breakfast and as my appointment wasn't until 3.30 p.m. I kept slipping 10 mg tablets at various intervals so in total I took 45 mg of Diazepam and when I went in I answered a lot of questions and he looked at my throat with a spatula as a doctor would, felt my glands and put the camera up my nose, but it didn't go past the gagging point and he said everything was fine. I was so relieved that I forgot to tell him about my mucus problem and my quiet (sometimes none existent)voice. He probably would have to have gone further with the camera if I had said that. I wish my psychiatric nurse had come with me as she would have remembered to ask about the mucus.
Anyway there you have it. I have to say that I hate Brighton Hospital. There's never anywhere to park, only one lift was working (at least we had air conditioning on the hottest day of the year so far). Fortunately we only had 1/2 an hour to wait to be seen, which I guess is sort these days.
I live to fight another day
Bye
I wish someone could have told me what my ENT was going to be like and then I wouldn't have fretted so much. I started off taking 5 mg of diazepam before breakfast and as my appointment wasn't until 3.30 p.m. I kept slipping 10 mg tablets at various intervals so in total I took 45 mg of Diazepam and when I went in I answered a lot of questions and he looked at my throat with a spatula as a doctor would, felt my glands and put the camera up my nose, but it didn't go past the gagging point and he said everything was fine. I was so relieved that I forgot to tell him about my mucus problem and my quiet (sometimes none existent)voice. He probably would have to have gone further with the camera if I had said that. I wish my psychiatric nurse had come with me as she would have remembered to ask about the mucus.
Anyway there you have it. I have to say that I hate Brighton Hospital. There's never anywhere to park, only one lift was working (at least we had air conditioning on the hottest day of the year so far). Fortunately we only had 1/2 an hour to wait to be seen, which I guess is sort these days.
I live to fight another day
Bye
Tuesday 19 July 2016
Today's the day
Tuesday 19th July 2016
Great it's the hottest day of the year so far. At least I'm going to Brighton where supposedly it's a little cooler on the coast, although not I'm sure in a hospital without air conditioning. don't know what to wear on my feet as they have gone puffier in this heat, and being unfamiliar with Brighton Hospital, I don't know how much walking is involved to get to the ENT dept. I'm sweating already and have taken one 5 mg diazepam. I had a good session with my counsellor yesterday and the recording actually worked for once Hurray! I hope I'll have a chance to go over it again this morning as my husband is home all day. He took the day off work to take me down to Brighton. I couldn't get hole of the Psychiatric nurse to say the day had changed. I hope I didn't offend her when I said I may not need her for this first visit as I hope it will only be questions. Anyway she hasn't phoned me back after 2 messages. Great I've got the sniffles now too. That's all I need.
Wish me good fortune Peace and calm.
Bye
Great it's the hottest day of the year so far. At least I'm going to Brighton where supposedly it's a little cooler on the coast, although not I'm sure in a hospital without air conditioning. don't know what to wear on my feet as they have gone puffier in this heat, and being unfamiliar with Brighton Hospital, I don't know how much walking is involved to get to the ENT dept. I'm sweating already and have taken one 5 mg diazepam. I had a good session with my counsellor yesterday and the recording actually worked for once Hurray! I hope I'll have a chance to go over it again this morning as my husband is home all day. He took the day off work to take me down to Brighton. I couldn't get hole of the Psychiatric nurse to say the day had changed. I hope I didn't offend her when I said I may not need her for this first visit as I hope it will only be questions. Anyway she hasn't phoned me back after 2 messages. Great I've got the sniffles now too. That's all I need.
Wish me good fortune Peace and calm.
Bye
Tuesday 12 July 2016
One days stay of execution
12/7/2106
I just got a call from the hospital changing my ENT appointment to Tuesday, funnily enough I don't feel quite as anxious about it already. Your prayers and positive thoughts must be working. thanks
Bye from
Problemswallower
I just got a call from the hospital changing my ENT appointment to Tuesday, funnily enough I don't feel quite as anxious about it already. Your prayers and positive thoughts must be working. thanks
Bye from
Problemswallower
Monday 11 July 2016
The Final Countdown
11/7/2016
I know I'm not having the ENT Exam till next Monday, but I thought if I get it out of my system now I can maybe forget it for the rest of the week. I've stopped taking the Pregablin as I thought it was making my feet puffy and giving me tinnitus and the shakes. so far I have been right, My feet have gone down a bit and I'm not so shaky. I still have ringing in my ears, but I think that's because I had a bad allergy attack yesterday and went through a whole box of tissues again. My mind was kept of it for a bit while I watched Andy Murray win Wimbledon, and Heather Watson win the missed doubles with Henry Con? a Finnish guy. They then went on to the wheelchair ladies doubles which I found fascinating, but was really tired by then as we had watched Formula One first.
My plan of attack for this week is to try and meditate as much as possible and only watch non disturbing things on the T.V. I'll try not to rely too much on Daizepam and request people's prayers or positive thoughts for me if prayer isn't your thing.
Thank you
Bye for now
I know I'm not having the ENT Exam till next Monday, but I thought if I get it out of my system now I can maybe forget it for the rest of the week. I've stopped taking the Pregablin as I thought it was making my feet puffy and giving me tinnitus and the shakes. so far I have been right, My feet have gone down a bit and I'm not so shaky. I still have ringing in my ears, but I think that's because I had a bad allergy attack yesterday and went through a whole box of tissues again. My mind was kept of it for a bit while I watched Andy Murray win Wimbledon, and Heather Watson win the missed doubles with Henry Con? a Finnish guy. They then went on to the wheelchair ladies doubles which I found fascinating, but was really tired by then as we had watched Formula One first.
My plan of attack for this week is to try and meditate as much as possible and only watch non disturbing things on the T.V. I'll try not to rely too much on Daizepam and request people's prayers or positive thoughts for me if prayer isn't your thing.
Thank you
Bye for now
Friday 8 July 2016
Down but not out
Friday 8th July 2016
It's been a busy crazy time, the last few days. I've gone up to 6 stone 8 pounds; the doctor doesn't want to see me again till August; I had a fleeting thought last night that maybe I could eat anything now, I'm beginning to be more ambitious. Maybe the thought of the ENT examination has scared me into eating properly. I have one more week before the appointment, you never know. I have been researching the side effects of pregablin that I was prescribed and one of them was puffy feet. I also attribute my tremor in mostly my fingers and one of the side effects could also be dysphagia. So what to do eh? I've just seen the doc and don't like to bother him all the time; I've also just had a new bottle of Pregablin made up for me, but I really feel that I would be better off without it. It really helps to have a rational husband who pointed out that he doesn't think that my improved eating is due to taking the Pregablin; though it does also say that it increases appetite and puts on weight. It's a trade off isn't it sometimes with medicines; maybe you have to get something else to get better with your main problem. I was never crazy about Pregablin in the first place after it caused me to feint the first morning after I took it because the consultant gave me too big a dose.
On a different note; I am Welsh and although I am not a football fan I am sharing in the Welsh pride at coming so far in the F.A. Cup. It was always Rugby when I was growing up.
I am also enjoying Wimbledon this year and fancy Andy Murrays chances of winning. He's playing this afternoon.
I would just like to say after my last blog that my doctor is fantastic and he has really done all he can to help me through this difficult stage of my time, whether it be because of the M.S. or psychological, or physical (or all three).
Bye from down but not out
It's been a busy crazy time, the last few days. I've gone up to 6 stone 8 pounds; the doctor doesn't want to see me again till August; I had a fleeting thought last night that maybe I could eat anything now, I'm beginning to be more ambitious. Maybe the thought of the ENT examination has scared me into eating properly. I have one more week before the appointment, you never know. I have been researching the side effects of pregablin that I was prescribed and one of them was puffy feet. I also attribute my tremor in mostly my fingers and one of the side effects could also be dysphagia. So what to do eh? I've just seen the doc and don't like to bother him all the time; I've also just had a new bottle of Pregablin made up for me, but I really feel that I would be better off without it. It really helps to have a rational husband who pointed out that he doesn't think that my improved eating is due to taking the Pregablin; though it does also say that it increases appetite and puts on weight. It's a trade off isn't it sometimes with medicines; maybe you have to get something else to get better with your main problem. I was never crazy about Pregablin in the first place after it caused me to feint the first morning after I took it because the consultant gave me too big a dose.
On a different note; I am Welsh and although I am not a football fan I am sharing in the Welsh pride at coming so far in the F.A. Cup. It was always Rugby when I was growing up.
I am also enjoying Wimbledon this year and fancy Andy Murrays chances of winning. He's playing this afternoon.
I would just like to say after my last blog that my doctor is fantastic and he has really done all he can to help me through this difficult stage of my time, whether it be because of the M.S. or psychological, or physical (or all three).
Bye from down but not out
Tuesday 5 July 2016
Never stop learning
Tuesday 5/7/2016
Well all is sorted out with my youth fellowship brother. apparently there is a big difference between a vlog and a blog, as my brother pointed out to me;
I saw the doctor this morning for my regular weigh in and he is pleased that I am putting weight on. It's going in the right direction and he doesn't want to see me again till August. He always seems rushed. I told him about my puffy feet and my anxiety about the ENT exam, but he took no notice. I guess I'm just there to be weighed on the emergency list and that's all he's concerned about; no time for any chit chat, or other problems. Have you experienced this?
Well bye again and keep well
Well all is sorted out with my youth fellowship brother. apparently there is a big difference between a vlog and a blog, as my brother pointed out to me;
Vlog: (stands for video-blogging)
1: Conceive concept and idea
2: filming and photography takes place to capture what’s required to
portray idea.
3: Editing using computer software to create video file.
4: upload to appropriate platform (aka Facebook, youtube etc).
Blog:
1. Conceive concept and idea (aka, why are you writing? What will it be
about?)
2: Begin to write required content (some write prior to uploading to a
website, others write it directly)
3: Decide on appropriate platform (I’m guessing this is the area you are
needing assistance)
So all is forgiven and forgotten and I've learnt something new again.
I saw the doctor this morning for my regular weigh in and he is pleased that I am putting weight on. It's going in the right direction and he doesn't want to see me again till August. He always seems rushed. I told him about my puffy feet and my anxiety about the ENT exam, but he took no notice. I guess I'm just there to be weighed on the emergency list and that's all he's concerned about; no time for any chit chat, or other problems. Have you experienced this?
Well bye again and keep well
Sunday 3 July 2016
Not forgiving creeping up on me.
Sunday 3/7/2016
Talking about forgiveness; I didn't go to church today because I have a bone to pick with the youth leader. He told me he didn't know anything about blogs when I was looking for help and advice in setting this blog up and then I find he is doing video blogs for the church website. I can't imagine that there is much difference between setting up a blog and a vlog; So I have to sort it out with him; he is at church now. I will do it later. It's funny how things get to you like that, I didn't even realise that I was acting in unforgiveness until this morning. It did affect my swallowing a little when I was trying to have my porridge. It took a little longer than yesterday.
I weighed 6 stone and 8 pound yesterday so I am increasing in weight and I have to do what the Bladder and Bowel nurse told me about drinking more. Eating stewed pears and soaking Golden Linseeds to make them softer. She also recommended walking. I said I couldn't walk much not only because of the M.S. but because of my bad feet so I have to try and do a little more building up each day, but doing the ironing this morning has already taken the wind out of my sails.
Bye for now
Talking about forgiveness; I didn't go to church today because I have a bone to pick with the youth leader. He told me he didn't know anything about blogs when I was looking for help and advice in setting this blog up and then I find he is doing video blogs for the church website. I can't imagine that there is much difference between setting up a blog and a vlog; So I have to sort it out with him; he is at church now. I will do it later. It's funny how things get to you like that, I didn't even realise that I was acting in unforgiveness until this morning. It did affect my swallowing a little when I was trying to have my porridge. It took a little longer than yesterday.
I weighed 6 stone and 8 pound yesterday so I am increasing in weight and I have to do what the Bladder and Bowel nurse told me about drinking more. Eating stewed pears and soaking Golden Linseeds to make them softer. She also recommended walking. I said I couldn't walk much not only because of the M.S. but because of my bad feet so I have to try and do a little more building up each day, but doing the ironing this morning has already taken the wind out of my sails.
Bye for now
Thursday 30 June 2016
The curse strikes again
30/6/2016
I had a lovely session with my counsellor yesterday and took my husband's digital recorder in to record it. Got home and there was nothing on it. The only explanation we could think of was that I put the mic into the wrong socket. The saga continues. But as my counsellor said maybe I could do it from my memory which kind of ties in with my last post of healing from within. I did a body scan and focussed on the breathe and then on a colour to represent the essence of me swirling around inside, giving me strength and growing to every part of my body. Then we did the healing cone of light again reaching every part of my body, strengthening it and building confidence.
I was reminded of 'The incredible hulk', a series I used to watch years ago and he tried meditating (visualisation) of the good cells overcoming the bad ones that turn him into the hulk and for a while it seemed to work to an extent. I was also reminded of the biblical verse from Romans 12 verse one Be not transformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. I guess it's very similar.
I just watched 'The Railway man' with Colin Firth. that's about forgiveness. He was a Japanese prisoner of war. They didn't go into too much detail of the horror that the prisoners were subjected too, but just enough to know that it was pretty horrific. In the end (no I don't want to give away any spoilers), but I do recommend it as a great film to see if you get the chance. Well it's like Tom Hanks; have you ever seen a bad movie with Tom Hanks in? I think the remake of 'The Ladykillers' is the only one I can think of at the moment. Well I think Colin Firth is the British Tom Hanks.
By the way I'm still a bit shaky about my E.N.T. appointment. My counsellor is away for two weeks now, but he's giving me a session of the morning of my appointment. I'll probably still take diazepam out of habit.
bye for now
I had a lovely session with my counsellor yesterday and took my husband's digital recorder in to record it. Got home and there was nothing on it. The only explanation we could think of was that I put the mic into the wrong socket. The saga continues. But as my counsellor said maybe I could do it from my memory which kind of ties in with my last post of healing from within. I did a body scan and focussed on the breathe and then on a colour to represent the essence of me swirling around inside, giving me strength and growing to every part of my body. Then we did the healing cone of light again reaching every part of my body, strengthening it and building confidence.
I was reminded of 'The incredible hulk', a series I used to watch years ago and he tried meditating (visualisation) of the good cells overcoming the bad ones that turn him into the hulk and for a while it seemed to work to an extent. I was also reminded of the biblical verse from Romans 12 verse one Be not transformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. I guess it's very similar.
I just watched 'The Railway man' with Colin Firth. that's about forgiveness. He was a Japanese prisoner of war. They didn't go into too much detail of the horror that the prisoners were subjected too, but just enough to know that it was pretty horrific. In the end (no I don't want to give away any spoilers), but I do recommend it as a great film to see if you get the chance. Well it's like Tom Hanks; have you ever seen a bad movie with Tom Hanks in? I think the remake of 'The Ladykillers' is the only one I can think of at the moment. Well I think Colin Firth is the British Tom Hanks.
By the way I'm still a bit shaky about my E.N.T. appointment. My counsellor is away for two weeks now, but he's giving me a session of the morning of my appointment. I'll probably still take diazepam out of habit.
bye for now
Tuesday 28 June 2016
Forgiveness not bitterness
Tuesday 28/6/2016
Despite my constant, frequent visits to the doctor and my addiction to diazepam, and all the medication I take; I still believe that real healing should come from within. Healing of emotional wounds takes time and it can't be rushed. We still have to bare the scars for a while, but they do eventually diminish in impact. It takes a long time to forgive, but till we do, we aren't truly free. How do we forgive? I tell you that it's not easy. It's easy to say sometimes depending on the situation, but not always easy to really mean it in your heart. It helps to remember how fleeting life is and that we all die in the end, so why cause yourself unnecessary suffering. Unforgiveness eats at our bones, and makes us all twisted inside. This leads to tension and innumerable illnesses, all avoidable if we could truly forgive.
I'm still a bit shaky about my E.N.T. appointment, but this thought came to me today anyway and loosens me up a bit to laugh and see the funny side of things.
I had a good title for this post but it's gone from my head for now.
Off to see my counsellor Ha!
Bye
Despite my constant, frequent visits to the doctor and my addiction to diazepam, and all the medication I take; I still believe that real healing should come from within. Healing of emotional wounds takes time and it can't be rushed. We still have to bare the scars for a while, but they do eventually diminish in impact. It takes a long time to forgive, but till we do, we aren't truly free. How do we forgive? I tell you that it's not easy. It's easy to say sometimes depending on the situation, but not always easy to really mean it in your heart. It helps to remember how fleeting life is and that we all die in the end, so why cause yourself unnecessary suffering. Unforgiveness eats at our bones, and makes us all twisted inside. This leads to tension and innumerable illnesses, all avoidable if we could truly forgive.
I'm still a bit shaky about my E.N.T. appointment, but this thought came to me today anyway and loosens me up a bit to laugh and see the funny side of things.
I had a good title for this post but it's gone from my head for now.
Off to see my counsellor Ha!
Bye
Monday 27 June 2016
About panicking
27/6/2016
I managed to get to the 9 O clock communion service in Church yesterday and the preacher said that as Christians we should be examples of calm in this difficult time now of change. I thought about my blog yesterday and also my constant state of panic and felt a little guilty I must admit. I have prayed to put the matter of my E.N.T test into God's hands. It doesn't stop me from shaking at the thought of it, but I am going ahead with it anyway. I phoned to see if it could be in Hayward's Heath and was told that I was down as an emergency so I guess I better not delay it now. I'm off to the surgery to be shown how to sign in on the surgery register, which will make my appointment making and re-prescription ordering easier.
Computers make me nervous too!
bye (wish me luck)
I managed to get to the 9 O clock communion service in Church yesterday and the preacher said that as Christians we should be examples of calm in this difficult time now of change. I thought about my blog yesterday and also my constant state of panic and felt a little guilty I must admit. I have prayed to put the matter of my E.N.T test into God's hands. It doesn't stop me from shaking at the thought of it, but I am going ahead with it anyway. I phoned to see if it could be in Hayward's Heath and was told that I was down as an emergency so I guess I better not delay it now. I'm off to the surgery to be shown how to sign in on the surgery register, which will make my appointment making and re-prescription ordering easier.
Computers make me nervous too!
bye (wish me luck)
Saturday 25 June 2016
Boy did I get it wrong
Sat 25th June 2016
Well it was a 72% turnout for the referendum voting which I'm told is quite good but I got the prediction wrong that we would vote to remain and everything's in chaos now. If like me you tend to be a worrier, then this might not be helping your situation, but I am panicking about another thing at the moment. I finally got the letter today to go to the E.N.T. appointment AAAAAAHHHHHH. panic, panic, panic, panic. Also it'd in Brighton and Haywards Heath is closer (and cheaper). I'm not seeing my doctor again till a week Tuesday, but I do see the counsellor next Tuesday, so I'll definitely be bringing it up then. My first immediate reaction was to take a diazepam. I'm still shaking inside (and out a little).
Wales are playing football at the moment and although I am not a football fan, I am Welsh, so I'm going to check how they're doing. just enjoyed watching the Eastbourne Ladies Tennis final.
Still got puffy feet and feel bloated.
Bye for now, time to eat tea. (Scrambled egg and toast again)
Well it was a 72% turnout for the referendum voting which I'm told is quite good but I got the prediction wrong that we would vote to remain and everything's in chaos now. If like me you tend to be a worrier, then this might not be helping your situation, but I am panicking about another thing at the moment. I finally got the letter today to go to the E.N.T. appointment AAAAAAHHHHHH. panic, panic, panic, panic. Also it'd in Brighton and Haywards Heath is closer (and cheaper). I'm not seeing my doctor again till a week Tuesday, but I do see the counsellor next Tuesday, so I'll definitely be bringing it up then. My first immediate reaction was to take a diazepam. I'm still shaking inside (and out a little).
Wales are playing football at the moment and although I am not a football fan, I am Welsh, so I'm going to check how they're doing. just enjoyed watching the Eastbourne Ladies Tennis final.
Still got puffy feet and feel bloated.
Bye for now, time to eat tea. (Scrambled egg and toast again)
Thursday 23 June 2016
Two steps forward and one step back
Thursday 23/6/16
Please excuse the last entries about the internet; obviously I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm a bit of a technophobe. It's a totally different world to me. I have no idea who is reading these blogs and what is thought of them. Why did I say two steps forward and one step back? Last night I found myself slipping lightly back into my old habits about swallowing. I find myself in a bit of a dilemma. As I put on weight I feel as if I was healthier before than I am now with this extra weight. My stomach and feet feel fat and bloated. I am at odds with myself. A thought occurred to me that my swelling feet coincided with my retaking of Amitriptyline, which had been prescribed for me when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia before the M.S. diagnosis. So I didn't take any last night, consequently I took another 5mg Diazepam because I couldn't sleep. It was a hot sticky night and full of thunder and lightening for most of the time. I was really tired in the morning and got up very late for me; Dreaming about being at a beach. I think I had got there with my married couple friends. I was marvelling at the sight of dolphins and a whale and numerous birds. I was a little concerned that I had lost my lift home although I saw the husband at one time but then I walked on (this must have been a dream as I would never have walked that far). Then I saw my husband and then I was in another dream where I was in an Art Class trying to draw a circle.I had a ruler and we had to draw a diameter marking a 5 inch spot and another 3 inches but it had to add up to ten. I got really confused and frustrated and gave up.
I also have a return of my former bowel problem of wanting to go all the time and being constipated. Still I'm seeing the bladder and bowel clinic on the first of July; next Friday. I wonder if me feeling so fat and bloated has anything to do with me watching the third part of the Twilight saga yesterday. You know when something is bad for you and you probably shouldn't do it but you do anyway; something drew me to this when I watched the first few minutes of it. I'll have to see it to the end now to find out what happens, but I bet it will have a negative emotional impact on me.
Well I and my husband have done our voting on whether to be in or out of the European common market. My husband voted one way and I the other so I guess we kind of cancelled each other out. My prediction is that it will be the biggest turnout for a vote ever and that it will ultimately end up with us remaining in because people don't like change and are afraid of opting out. We'll see tomorrow morning.
Still got puffy feet and a bloaty stomach.
Bye for now
Please excuse the last entries about the internet; obviously I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm a bit of a technophobe. It's a totally different world to me. I have no idea who is reading these blogs and what is thought of them. Why did I say two steps forward and one step back? Last night I found myself slipping lightly back into my old habits about swallowing. I find myself in a bit of a dilemma. As I put on weight I feel as if I was healthier before than I am now with this extra weight. My stomach and feet feel fat and bloated. I am at odds with myself. A thought occurred to me that my swelling feet coincided with my retaking of Amitriptyline, which had been prescribed for me when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia before the M.S. diagnosis. So I didn't take any last night, consequently I took another 5mg Diazepam because I couldn't sleep. It was a hot sticky night and full of thunder and lightening for most of the time. I was really tired in the morning and got up very late for me; Dreaming about being at a beach. I think I had got there with my married couple friends. I was marvelling at the sight of dolphins and a whale and numerous birds. I was a little concerned that I had lost my lift home although I saw the husband at one time but then I walked on (this must have been a dream as I would never have walked that far). Then I saw my husband and then I was in another dream where I was in an Art Class trying to draw a circle.I had a ruler and we had to draw a diameter marking a 5 inch spot and another 3 inches but it had to add up to ten. I got really confused and frustrated and gave up.
I also have a return of my former bowel problem of wanting to go all the time and being constipated. Still I'm seeing the bladder and bowel clinic on the first of July; next Friday. I wonder if me feeling so fat and bloated has anything to do with me watching the third part of the Twilight saga yesterday. You know when something is bad for you and you probably shouldn't do it but you do anyway; something drew me to this when I watched the first few minutes of it. I'll have to see it to the end now to find out what happens, but I bet it will have a negative emotional impact on me.
Well I and my husband have done our voting on whether to be in or out of the European common market. My husband voted one way and I the other so I guess we kind of cancelled each other out. My prediction is that it will be the biggest turnout for a vote ever and that it will ultimately end up with us remaining in because people don't like change and are afraid of opting out. We'll see tomorrow morning.
Still got puffy feet and a bloaty stomach.
Bye for now
Tuesday 21 June 2016
Good news
21/6/2016
I weighed myself this morning and at the doctors and I have reached 6 stone 7 pounds, so everyone is pleased I am eating more quickly and drinking , so I can eat and drink more. I believe it has to do with a number of factors. the main one I think being my counselling. Yesterday we went through a hypnotherapy session including confidence building. He said I don't need to do anything just let it live in the subconscious and this morning in my shower I found myself singing 'I have confidence ' from The sound of music film. And I do feel that I've turned a corner. We tried to record the session, but I couldn't find my new tape recorder (well I have two which I couldn't find actually) which frustrated me no end. I finally gave in to taking my old tape recorder that I used when I was in college about 40 years ago; it doesn't fast forward or rewind and the recording was very quiet. I tell you that I am jinxed when it comes to recording. I used to write songs and play the guitar to accompany myself. I bought a porta studio (a long time ago) to record and I wanted a friend to put a slide guitar track on it. It had taken ages to get him to come round to my flat and the minute he was about to play, literally ; I tell no lie ; the power went out and we ended going to the pub for a drink. The very first recording I did of 11 songs called 'Walking to the Son' (religious one) was recorded at a friends house on a reel to reel. I took it down to Cardiff to be played on Red Dragon Radio as it was called then. The presenter offered to make a copy of the reel for me in their machine and the tape got mangled in the machine so I had to redo it all again. There are more stories of the like but I won't bore you with them now; I'm just celebrating on getting to half way to 7 stone or 98 pounds as you would say in America.
I think another factor is shear doggedness about eating even when I don't feel hungry. Sticking with the Fortecremes and Fortisip which I am drinking all of every day now.
I am told if you go through Google it's a bit of a hassle trying to leave any comments so try problemswallower@blogger.com or problemswallower@BlogSpot. I don't know which works best.
No I tried that and the best way is to go to https://www.blogger.com/problemswallower.
Well it's time for another Fortecreme so
bye for now
I weighed myself this morning and at the doctors and I have reached 6 stone 7 pounds, so everyone is pleased I am eating more quickly and drinking , so I can eat and drink more. I believe it has to do with a number of factors. the main one I think being my counselling. Yesterday we went through a hypnotherapy session including confidence building. He said I don't need to do anything just let it live in the subconscious and this morning in my shower I found myself singing 'I have confidence ' from The sound of music film. And I do feel that I've turned a corner. We tried to record the session, but I couldn't find my new tape recorder (well I have two which I couldn't find actually) which frustrated me no end. I finally gave in to taking my old tape recorder that I used when I was in college about 40 years ago; it doesn't fast forward or rewind and the recording was very quiet. I tell you that I am jinxed when it comes to recording. I used to write songs and play the guitar to accompany myself. I bought a porta studio (a long time ago) to record and I wanted a friend to put a slide guitar track on it. It had taken ages to get him to come round to my flat and the minute he was about to play, literally ; I tell no lie ; the power went out and we ended going to the pub for a drink. The very first recording I did of 11 songs called 'Walking to the Son' (religious one) was recorded at a friends house on a reel to reel. I took it down to Cardiff to be played on Red Dragon Radio as it was called then. The presenter offered to make a copy of the reel for me in their machine and the tape got mangled in the machine so I had to redo it all again. There are more stories of the like but I won't bore you with them now; I'm just celebrating on getting to half way to 7 stone or 98 pounds as you would say in America.
I think another factor is shear doggedness about eating even when I don't feel hungry. Sticking with the Fortecremes and Fortisip which I am drinking all of every day now.
I am told if you go through Google it's a bit of a hassle trying to leave any comments so try problemswallower@blogger.com or problemswallower@BlogSpot. I don't know which works best.
No I tried that and the best way is to go to https://www.blogger.com/problemswallower.
Well it's time for another Fortecreme so
bye for now
Wednesday 15 June 2016
Busy crazy time
15/6/2016
Hi again. It's been a busy crazy time since my last entry (I feel like I'm on Star Trek saying that ; 'This is The captains log of the star ship problem swallower 15th Jun 2016'. Anyway I divert. Saturday was the Nursing home's BarBQ. I only went along to take pictures for the newsletter but still got roped into folding raffle tickets; a job I have always done in the past but find it too tiring to do right now. Still, I could sit down to do it and some of the care workers children helped too. I didn't stay for food as I had my own to eat at home. I felt a bit out of things as everyone had lovely blue and white flower necklaces with red ribbon in between and a red cord holding them together. This put my dismal efforts of making flowers to shame and the manager had made much more professional posters for the occasion, making my posters look very amateurish.
Still Sunday I was in a good mood and managed to eat my porridge and go to the toilet in good enough time to make the 9 o'clock service in church. One of the congregation said she'd found my blog and wasn't sure whether to comment or not as no-one else had. So I ask you to please comment if you like and we can get more people involved. If you have dysphagia or know of someone with the problem; it could be a source of comfort and hopefully a little help.
Monday I went to an emergency service with the doctor's down town surgery regarding my puffy feet. I saw a woman who told me to put my feet up and if that doesn't work in a few days to come back. Because I came a different way back home, I was passed the old building where I used to teach exercises before this problem swallowing started and it happened to be the time my class was in session; so I got to see them with my Bronzed young energetic replacement teacher, who made me feel redundant too. I was encouraged to do a free course by the supervisor as I am still down as a teacher and felt that I was still too weak to do what they were doing in my class. Maybe in September I'll be able to join my own class. Wouldn't that be crazy? The class is exercises for over 60's and the less able of which I now seem to be.
I did it again what I said I wouldn't do and weighed myself 2 days in a row; yesterday I was rejoicing at reaching 6 stone 4 pounds and today I was back down to 6 stone and 2 and 3/4 pounds. So I'm a bit down, confused and am crazily trying to eat and drink faster to get better so that I won't have to have the E,N.T exam; hoping I'll be healed before. It's funny what blind terror will do to you. So I even tried a ready meal; mushroom risotto yesterday, and it went down a treat; I cleared the plate ;only problem was I didn't have my veg.Over and out from captain problemswallower
Bye for now
Hi again. It's been a busy crazy time since my last entry (I feel like I'm on Star Trek saying that ; 'This is The captains log of the star ship problem swallower 15th Jun 2016'. Anyway I divert. Saturday was the Nursing home's BarBQ. I only went along to take pictures for the newsletter but still got roped into folding raffle tickets; a job I have always done in the past but find it too tiring to do right now. Still, I could sit down to do it and some of the care workers children helped too. I didn't stay for food as I had my own to eat at home. I felt a bit out of things as everyone had lovely blue and white flower necklaces with red ribbon in between and a red cord holding them together. This put my dismal efforts of making flowers to shame and the manager had made much more professional posters for the occasion, making my posters look very amateurish.
Still Sunday I was in a good mood and managed to eat my porridge and go to the toilet in good enough time to make the 9 o'clock service in church. One of the congregation said she'd found my blog and wasn't sure whether to comment or not as no-one else had. So I ask you to please comment if you like and we can get more people involved. If you have dysphagia or know of someone with the problem; it could be a source of comfort and hopefully a little help.
Monday I went to an emergency service with the doctor's down town surgery regarding my puffy feet. I saw a woman who told me to put my feet up and if that doesn't work in a few days to come back. Because I came a different way back home, I was passed the old building where I used to teach exercises before this problem swallowing started and it happened to be the time my class was in session; so I got to see them with my Bronzed young energetic replacement teacher, who made me feel redundant too. I was encouraged to do a free course by the supervisor as I am still down as a teacher and felt that I was still too weak to do what they were doing in my class. Maybe in September I'll be able to join my own class. Wouldn't that be crazy? The class is exercises for over 60's and the less able of which I now seem to be.
I did it again what I said I wouldn't do and weighed myself 2 days in a row; yesterday I was rejoicing at reaching 6 stone 4 pounds and today I was back down to 6 stone and 2 and 3/4 pounds. So I'm a bit down, confused and am crazily trying to eat and drink faster to get better so that I won't have to have the E,N.T exam; hoping I'll be healed before. It's funny what blind terror will do to you. So I even tried a ready meal; mushroom risotto yesterday, and it went down a treat; I cleared the plate ;only problem was I didn't have my veg.Over and out from captain problemswallower
Bye for now
Saturday 11 June 2016
Puffy feet
10/6/16
Hi everybody, I'm back. I haven't done an entry for a few days because not much has changed. My weight has now gone up to 6Stone and 2 pounds. I am eating a little faster and therefor able to eat more. I am feeling a little calmer from the meditation exercises. I am a little annoyed however that I cant find two tape recorders that I could use to record my counsellors meditation next time I see him.
The Nursing home where I work one hour a week is having their summer Barbq today inline with the Queen's celebrations. My only concern about that is what am I going to wear on my feet, because they have swollen up a bit. Still someone else is doing the raffle, I'm just going to take photos and video for the Newsletter and the next time I go in.
Thought for the day
What if Adam and Eve had not eaten the apple would we all be vegetarians today and would there be no food chain. Would all the animals be vegetarians too, or would they be totally different species?
Ponder on that one
Bye for now
Hi everybody, I'm back. I haven't done an entry for a few days because not much has changed. My weight has now gone up to 6Stone and 2 pounds. I am eating a little faster and therefor able to eat more. I am feeling a little calmer from the meditation exercises. I am a little annoyed however that I cant find two tape recorders that I could use to record my counsellors meditation next time I see him.
The Nursing home where I work one hour a week is having their summer Barbq today inline with the Queen's celebrations. My only concern about that is what am I going to wear on my feet, because they have swollen up a bit. Still someone else is doing the raffle, I'm just going to take photos and video for the Newsletter and the next time I go in.
Thought for the day
What if Adam and Eve had not eaten the apple would we all be vegetarians today and would there be no food chain. Would all the animals be vegetarians too, or would they be totally different species?
Ponder on that one
Bye for now
Tuesday 7 June 2016
Doctors today
7/6/16
Just saw the doctor for a weigh and was a little underwhelmed by his reaction. I thought he'd be chuffed that I am now over the 6 stone barrier but he just said 'maintaining weight' and he wants to see me get to 7 stone; I could have done with a little more encouragement anyway, onwards and upwards (or should I say outwards).
I tried my meditation with the cone of healing light this morning and I did feel more relaxed and a little healthier. I think I drank a bit more too but still not drinking properly.
Bye for now
Just saw the doctor for a weigh and was a little underwhelmed by his reaction. I thought he'd be chuffed that I am now over the 6 stone barrier but he just said 'maintaining weight' and he wants to see me get to 7 stone; I could have done with a little more encouragement anyway, onwards and upwards (or should I say outwards).
I tried my meditation with the cone of healing light this morning and I did feel more relaxed and a little healthier. I think I drank a bit more too but still not drinking properly.
Bye for now
Monday 6 June 2016
Six stone yeah
6/1/16
Six seems to be the number today I weighed myself and I have reached the golden mark I craved of 6 stone. I hope my doctor sill be pleased with that result and it will keep going. Although it's a little boring, I believe that one thing that has helped is to be consistent with eating. I have the same diet everyday, but it seems to be working. Porridge made with whole milk, with honey and a squirt of pureed apple. I have 3 Fortecremes a day one mid morning and a Forcival and start a Fortisip. I have roast Chicken for dinner on Sunday with carrots, cauliflower and broccoli or cabbage, made with new potatoes and granule gravy. Every Tea time I have scrambled egg on toast and I had a Frotecreme mid afternoon and another about 7pm, followed by more fortisip. I still can't swallow properly so this takes me nearly all day, but by persisting it seems to be paying off. I'm still dreading the E.N.T. but I had a session with the counsellor this morning where I practised mindfulness mostly concentrating on the breath and a cone of light surrounding me offering protection and calm.
My curate helped me out a bit with Facebook and this blog, so I hope to get to more people and start having comments soon.
Six seems to be the number today I weighed myself and I have reached the golden mark I craved of 6 stone. I hope my doctor sill be pleased with that result and it will keep going. Although it's a little boring, I believe that one thing that has helped is to be consistent with eating. I have the same diet everyday, but it seems to be working. Porridge made with whole milk, with honey and a squirt of pureed apple. I have 3 Fortecremes a day one mid morning and a Forcival and start a Fortisip. I have roast Chicken for dinner on Sunday with carrots, cauliflower and broccoli or cabbage, made with new potatoes and granule gravy. Every Tea time I have scrambled egg on toast and I had a Frotecreme mid afternoon and another about 7pm, followed by more fortisip. I still can't swallow properly so this takes me nearly all day, but by persisting it seems to be paying off. I'm still dreading the E.N.T. but I had a session with the counsellor this morning where I practised mindfulness mostly concentrating on the breath and a cone of light surrounding me offering protection and calm.
My curate helped me out a bit with Facebook and this blog, so I hope to get to more people and start having comments soon.
Friday 3 June 2016
Mixing things up
3/6/16
Despite saying not to weigh every day, I just did two days in a row and I'm now up to 5 stone and 13 pounds. Only one more pound to go and I'm up to 6 stone. I wonder if I can reach it by the time I see the doctor next week for my weigh in. Wouldn't that be great?
I've been mixing things up a bit by cleaning my teeth in a different order for starters. It was a bit strange at first. I also left some bible readings out but that meant that I paid more attention to the ones I read. I found it to be quite a freeing experience. I actually feel more relaxed from breaking free from the old habits, or order of things. Of course there are some things you have to do in a specific order like putting your bra on before your T shirt unless you want to look like Lady Gaga in concert or the scene from The Vicar of Dibley when Geraldine is nervous about doing the animal service and puts her bra on over her cassock. I also took myself more lightly most of the day. That's going to be a difficult habit to break. I always think that the best thing in the world is to be able to make people laugh. I can certainly make people cry, but I wish I could make them laugh and see the funny side of things myself. I'll keep working on it
Bye for now
Despite saying not to weigh every day, I just did two days in a row and I'm now up to 5 stone and 13 pounds. Only one more pound to go and I'm up to 6 stone. I wonder if I can reach it by the time I see the doctor next week for my weigh in. Wouldn't that be great?
I've been mixing things up a bit by cleaning my teeth in a different order for starters. It was a bit strange at first. I also left some bible readings out but that meant that I paid more attention to the ones I read. I found it to be quite a freeing experience. I actually feel more relaxed from breaking free from the old habits, or order of things. Of course there are some things you have to do in a specific order like putting your bra on before your T shirt unless you want to look like Lady Gaga in concert or the scene from The Vicar of Dibley when Geraldine is nervous about doing the animal service and puts her bra on over her cassock. I also took myself more lightly most of the day. That's going to be a difficult habit to break. I always think that the best thing in the world is to be able to make people laugh. I can certainly make people cry, but I wish I could make them laugh and see the funny side of things myself. I'll keep working on it
Bye for now
Tuesday 31 May 2016
catastrophizing
31/5/2016
This is my second attempt at my new post because the computer suddenly decided I need windows 10 despite my saying no thanks for weeks, so here I go again.
Catastrophis(z)ing isn't an easy word to write or say, but it's definitely easy for me to do all the time for example; I have had poor circulation in the last few weeks causing my left foot to look a little bluer than my right. What is my first reaction? I'm going to have my left foot amputated. Is that normal I ask? I'm sure most people would just ignore it and go on with their lives or shake the foot to get the circulation back , but not me. I'm looking it up on medical websites and books I have acquired over the years. If I have a little pain in my stomach it's probably trapped wind but I visualise the ambulance at the front door waiting to take me to the hospital to have my appendix taken out.
As you've probably guessed by now, I'm not good with medical stuff.
I had a good session with my counsellor this morning and he told me to mix things up a bit change my routine to get back my control over my life instead of the routine controlling me. It doesn't have to be anything big; something as small as brushing your teeth in a different order can change things up a bit so that you don't become a slave to the routine.
I shall give it a try. If you give it a try let me know if it made any difference to your thinking?
Bye
This is my second attempt at my new post because the computer suddenly decided I need windows 10 despite my saying no thanks for weeks, so here I go again.
Catastrophis(z)ing isn't an easy word to write or say, but it's definitely easy for me to do all the time for example; I have had poor circulation in the last few weeks causing my left foot to look a little bluer than my right. What is my first reaction? I'm going to have my left foot amputated. Is that normal I ask? I'm sure most people would just ignore it and go on with their lives or shake the foot to get the circulation back , but not me. I'm looking it up on medical websites and books I have acquired over the years. If I have a little pain in my stomach it's probably trapped wind but I visualise the ambulance at the front door waiting to take me to the hospital to have my appendix taken out.
As you've probably guessed by now, I'm not good with medical stuff.
I had a good session with my counsellor this morning and he told me to mix things up a bit change my routine to get back my control over my life instead of the routine controlling me. It doesn't have to be anything big; something as small as brushing your teeth in a different order can change things up a bit so that you don't become a slave to the routine.
I shall give it a try. If you give it a try let me know if it made any difference to your thinking?
Bye
Monday 30 May 2016
Weighing
30th May 2016
Nearly every person I speak to and especially professionals say not to weigh yourself every day. I could never see the sense in that, because I couldn't understand what difference it made what you weigh from one day to the next; I just wanted to know if it was going up or down. But now I can see the sense it is especially with a dodgy pair of scales like mine. I got really happy when my scales said I'd put on another quarter of a pound every day for three days; and then when I got weighed at the doctors there was no significant change, so I was a bit deflated. If I only weigh myself weekly then I don't get too emotional about it one way or the other. It also helps when you're speaking to concerned friends when one day you tell them that you've put on weight and the next time you say you've lost again. So I'm not doing it every day now. It is tempting especially when I'm waiting for the shower water to warm up, but I'll resist.
Please feel free to leave a comment on how you or someone you know is handling their swallowing problems.
Bye for now
Nearly every person I speak to and especially professionals say not to weigh yourself every day. I could never see the sense in that, because I couldn't understand what difference it made what you weigh from one day to the next; I just wanted to know if it was going up or down. But now I can see the sense it is especially with a dodgy pair of scales like mine. I got really happy when my scales said I'd put on another quarter of a pound every day for three days; and then when I got weighed at the doctors there was no significant change, so I was a bit deflated. If I only weigh myself weekly then I don't get too emotional about it one way or the other. It also helps when you're speaking to concerned friends when one day you tell them that you've put on weight and the next time you say you've lost again. So I'm not doing it every day now. It is tempting especially when I'm waiting for the shower water to warm up, but I'll resist.
Please feel free to leave a comment on how you or someone you know is handling their swallowing problems.
Bye for now
Friday 27 May 2016
Onwards to a new era
I've just had my last meeting with the psychiatric nurse. They feel there is nothing more they can do for me. I've officially been discharged, but the nurse has given me her home number and said she will accompany me to an E.N.T. exam as she knows how panicked about it I am. I still haven't had the appointment yet though. And the psychiatrist said I can contact him if I feel the need.
I had a dramatic dream last night. A bit like a crime drama series I was being driven in the back seat of a car with a man holding a gun at me. Apparently there were 2 of them but I had managed to shoot one of them and had his gun and was pointing my gun back at the guy. Then there was another car parallel to us with more guys with guns pointing at me, but they were on a different road and I distinctly remember thinking 'they should be going the other way'. then we were in a shopping mall and I was trying to catch the attention of the waitress to ask her to warn the police. You want the next episode now don't you. So do I. I woke up with a spasm in my leg then, so I don't know what happened. I tried going back to sleep but it didn't work. Wonder if it means anything?
My doctor is away next week, but he said he was going to France and there is a shortage of petrol there right now due to strike action so I wonder how he'll get on? So I won't get weighed next week. I've stopped doing it everyday now and will do it less often, as it's not that accurate anyway. If only I could eat ice cream and chocolate which I love; I'll definitely put some weight on then.
Bye for now
I had a dramatic dream last night. A bit like a crime drama series I was being driven in the back seat of a car with a man holding a gun at me. Apparently there were 2 of them but I had managed to shoot one of them and had his gun and was pointing my gun back at the guy. Then there was another car parallel to us with more guys with guns pointing at me, but they were on a different road and I distinctly remember thinking 'they should be going the other way'. then we were in a shopping mall and I was trying to catch the attention of the waitress to ask her to warn the police. You want the next episode now don't you. So do I. I woke up with a spasm in my leg then, so I don't know what happened. I tried going back to sleep but it didn't work. Wonder if it means anything?
My doctor is away next week, but he said he was going to France and there is a shortage of petrol there right now due to strike action so I wonder how he'll get on? So I won't get weighed next week. I've stopped doing it everyday now and will do it less often, as it's not that accurate anyway. If only I could eat ice cream and chocolate which I love; I'll definitely put some weight on then.
Bye for now
Wednesday 25 May 2016
Feeling down
25/5/16
Feeling a bit deflated today because when I saw my doctor yesterday for my weekly weigh in, there wasn't any change and I thought I had been putting on weight. I thought I'd put on at least 3/4 of a pound.
I had a good session with my counsellor in the morning which gave me a little hope only to be dashed by my doctors appointment in the afternoon. I don't know if this is EMDR or not but I walked backward on my life line thinking of all the bad anxiety and Fear giving moments in my life, and then I walked forward through them again with my guardian angel on one side and a trusted supportive friend on the other helping me back to now and I carried on walking with this newfound belief that I could face the future with my 2 companions. It helped me a lot and I am definitely swallowing more quickly now.
Has anyone else experienced something like this or EMDR?
Feeling a bit deflated today because when I saw my doctor yesterday for my weekly weigh in, there wasn't any change and I thought I had been putting on weight. I thought I'd put on at least 3/4 of a pound.
I had a good session with my counsellor in the morning which gave me a little hope only to be dashed by my doctors appointment in the afternoon. I don't know if this is EMDR or not but I walked backward on my life line thinking of all the bad anxiety and Fear giving moments in my life, and then I walked forward through them again with my guardian angel on one side and a trusted supportive friend on the other helping me back to now and I carried on walking with this newfound belief that I could face the future with my 2 companions. It helped me a lot and I am definitely swallowing more quickly now.
Has anyone else experienced something like this or EMDR?
Monday 23 May 2016
To blog or not to blog that is the question
23/5/2016
Put on another 1/4 pound today so I'm now 5 Stone and 11 lbs. exactly according to my dodgy scales.
I feel tired now thinking of all the things I have to do. I haven't tidied anything for months not that I'm exactly house proud, but I have so much mess everywhere that if a burglar broke in they'd think they were too late; someone had beaten them to it. It's 3.30 pm and that's not a good time for me; my tired time of the day (well more than usual). so I don't think it would be a good idea to try and work on my tax returns now, but then I'm too physically tired to do anything physical. So you win some you lose some. I have washed the bedding today so I'll have to conserve my energy to making the bed again tonight before I can get into it. I didn't sleep well last night kept waking up about every hour and looking at the clock. it's a spiralling downward circle you're too tired to do anything and then there's more to do and then you overdo it so you can't do anything anymore and you're beat.
That's how it is with M.S.
I am a virgin blogger, so if anyone has any tips for me please leave it on the suggestions page
thaks
Bye for now
Put on another 1/4 pound today so I'm now 5 Stone and 11 lbs. exactly according to my dodgy scales.
I feel tired now thinking of all the things I have to do. I haven't tidied anything for months not that I'm exactly house proud, but I have so much mess everywhere that if a burglar broke in they'd think they were too late; someone had beaten them to it. It's 3.30 pm and that's not a good time for me; my tired time of the day (well more than usual). so I don't think it would be a good idea to try and work on my tax returns now, but then I'm too physically tired to do anything physical. So you win some you lose some. I have washed the bedding today so I'll have to conserve my energy to making the bed again tonight before I can get into it. I didn't sleep well last night kept waking up about every hour and looking at the clock. it's a spiralling downward circle you're too tired to do anything and then there's more to do and then you overdo it so you can't do anything anymore and you're beat.
That's how it is with M.S.
I am a virgin blogger, so if anyone has any tips for me please leave it on the suggestions page
thaks
Bye for now
Sunday 22 May 2016
Dreams
22nd May 2016
I'm hovering over the 11 lb. mark now . Think it may be to do with the Lasagne I ate yesterday.
I keep a book by the side of my bed with a pen to write my dreams down as soon as I wake up, because if I don't do it then I will forget it. sometimes I forget it straight away. I used to have very vivid dreams that had obvious meaning like when I was studying for my 'O' levels I used to dream I was being chased by the Nazi's or the Daleks and I was enclosed on all four sides by steep walls, with no way out. Obvious anxiety about the exams. Now I mostly dream of food and drinking and being back in a place of learning. I guess we're all in the school of life and every day is a learning day.
I also daydream about being strong and healthy. Saw the Disney film 'The Pacifier' yesterday. Van Deisel played a baby sitter to a family of kids who had lost their father, and the mother was abroad trying to find out what happened to him (I could have got that wrong as I missed the beginning). I wished I was as strong and confident as Van Deisel in the film. It was a real surprise for me as I usually think of Van Deisel in war films or guts and glory type things. It shows you that people can change (O.K. I know it's fiction but it's a dream). I bet he doesn't have any problems swallowing.
Bye for now I have to do some ironing if I have the strength.
I'm hovering over the 11 lb. mark now . Think it may be to do with the Lasagne I ate yesterday.
I keep a book by the side of my bed with a pen to write my dreams down as soon as I wake up, because if I don't do it then I will forget it. sometimes I forget it straight away. I used to have very vivid dreams that had obvious meaning like when I was studying for my 'O' levels I used to dream I was being chased by the Nazi's or the Daleks and I was enclosed on all four sides by steep walls, with no way out. Obvious anxiety about the exams. Now I mostly dream of food and drinking and being back in a place of learning. I guess we're all in the school of life and every day is a learning day.
I also daydream about being strong and healthy. Saw the Disney film 'The Pacifier' yesterday. Van Deisel played a baby sitter to a family of kids who had lost their father, and the mother was abroad trying to find out what happened to him (I could have got that wrong as I missed the beginning). I wished I was as strong and confident as Van Deisel in the film. It was a real surprise for me as I usually think of Van Deisel in war films or guts and glory type things. It shows you that people can change (O.K. I know it's fiction but it's a dream). I bet he doesn't have any problems swallowing.
Bye for now I have to do some ironing if I have the strength.
Saturday 21 May 2016
Just the opposite
21/5/16
Hi again
Put on 1/4 of a pound today. Wish I could do that every day. Even better, I wish I could swallow normally. I love Ice cream and chocolate, but all dairy products increase my mucus which makes it difficult to swallow again. It's funny how most of the world seems to want to loose weight while I'm just the opposite and it's not like I can just eat what they've been eating because I can't. there should be a swap system where someone could give me some of their excess weight.
By the way, the prayer post the other day was loosely based on the reading from the Bible about putting on the whole armour of God. The reading is from Ephesians Chapter 6. Not sure how much effect it has on me, but I do it habitually now like brushing my teeth.
Hi again
Put on 1/4 of a pound today. Wish I could do that every day. Even better, I wish I could swallow normally. I love Ice cream and chocolate, but all dairy products increase my mucus which makes it difficult to swallow again. It's funny how most of the world seems to want to loose weight while I'm just the opposite and it's not like I can just eat what they've been eating because I can't. there should be a swap system where someone could give me some of their excess weight.
By the way, the prayer post the other day was loosely based on the reading from the Bible about putting on the whole armour of God. The reading is from Ephesians Chapter 6. Not sure how much effect it has on me, but I do it habitually now like brushing my teeth.
Friday 20 May 2016
Bizarre day
20th May 2016
As you know yesterday I was expecting my house group (that's a small group of 4) to turn up at 10 am. to watch In the footsteps of St. Paul on my TV, but no-one turned up and at 10.45 I phoned to discover that it's supposed to be next week. So I tidied up (as I would call it) for no reason. Then in the afternoon there was a dash to go to my place of work; the nursing home to pick up a letter telling me when certain money had been paid into my account. Well the one who writes the cheques was there and called me aside to explain, so I didn't have much time to dash to the supermarket to get a birthday card for my niece and flowers for my retiring Psychiatric nurse. After dashing back to post my nieces card I waited for the nurse to turn up and she didn't turn up either. I swore we arranged yesterday for her to come after 4 today. She said she'd be late, but it's not like her to not turn up at all without phoning or getting the office to phone. Then I got really upset and anxious trying to sort the cheques out as I have to fill in a tax return and though I don't earn enough to pay tax, I've still got to get it right. I didn't calm down till my husband found our missing bank statement and I'd taken a diazepam.
Needless to say I didn't sleep very well again last night. I think I was also a little upset because of the knowledge that I'm running out of help. for my swallowing problem.
As you know yesterday I was expecting my house group (that's a small group of 4) to turn up at 10 am. to watch In the footsteps of St. Paul on my TV, but no-one turned up and at 10.45 I phoned to discover that it's supposed to be next week. So I tidied up (as I would call it) for no reason. Then in the afternoon there was a dash to go to my place of work; the nursing home to pick up a letter telling me when certain money had been paid into my account. Well the one who writes the cheques was there and called me aside to explain, so I didn't have much time to dash to the supermarket to get a birthday card for my niece and flowers for my retiring Psychiatric nurse. After dashing back to post my nieces card I waited for the nurse to turn up and she didn't turn up either. I swore we arranged yesterday for her to come after 4 today. She said she'd be late, but it's not like her to not turn up at all without phoning or getting the office to phone. Then I got really upset and anxious trying to sort the cheques out as I have to fill in a tax return and though I don't earn enough to pay tax, I've still got to get it right. I didn't calm down till my husband found our missing bank statement and I'd taken a diazepam.
Needless to say I didn't sleep very well again last night. I think I was also a little upset because of the knowledge that I'm running out of help. for my swallowing problem.
Thursday 19 May 2016
Good and bad news
19th May 2016
Hi again. good and bad news I suppose. Good news in that I got weighed and have put on enough to keep me out of the hospital, again this week, but my liver is looking dodgy, but it has been worse before. The bad news is that I have been discharged from the Psychiatric unit as they say there is nothing more they can do for me and the nurse that was seeing me on a weekly basis is retiring so I have my last session with her today. I don't think I have time to get a bunch of flowers (we'll see) but I do have a thank you card already in the house to give her. That's a great shame, but I expected it
in a way as she'd run out of things to do with me. So all I have now is my weekly weigh in and regular blood tests with my doctor and my counsellor, who is trying a technique called EMDR I know the EM stands for eye movement, but I got lost on the DR bit. I believe I did one proper swallow of water last night, just before bed. I was hoping either to start swallowing properly before my appointment for an Ear Nose and Throat test comes up so I won't have to have it because it terrifies me, like a real phobia or I was going to ask my nurse if she would be able to come with me. The first is obviously the best option.
I've had my porridge and Fortecreme today and it's now 10.30 am. I was expecting our house group to turn up to see on the footsteps of St. Paul on our TV but they haven't turned up yet so maybe I've got the wrong day, but it's given me a chance to do this. If they're not coming, I could go and get the flowers.
Bye for now
Hi again. good and bad news I suppose. Good news in that I got weighed and have put on enough to keep me out of the hospital, again this week, but my liver is looking dodgy, but it has been worse before. The bad news is that I have been discharged from the Psychiatric unit as they say there is nothing more they can do for me and the nurse that was seeing me on a weekly basis is retiring so I have my last session with her today. I don't think I have time to get a bunch of flowers (we'll see) but I do have a thank you card already in the house to give her. That's a great shame, but I expected it
in a way as she'd run out of things to do with me. So all I have now is my weekly weigh in and regular blood tests with my doctor and my counsellor, who is trying a technique called EMDR I know the EM stands for eye movement, but I got lost on the DR bit. I believe I did one proper swallow of water last night, just before bed. I was hoping either to start swallowing properly before my appointment for an Ear Nose and Throat test comes up so I won't have to have it because it terrifies me, like a real phobia or I was going to ask my nurse if she would be able to come with me. The first is obviously the best option.
I've had my porridge and Fortecreme today and it's now 10.30 am. I was expecting our house group to turn up to see on the footsteps of St. Paul on our TV but they haven't turned up yet so maybe I've got the wrong day, but it's given me a chance to do this. If they're not coming, I could go and get the flowers.
Bye for now
Wednesday 18 May 2016
Off to the psychaitrist
18th May 2016
Well I've managed to dodge another bullet and been kept out of hospital for another week. My weight has gone slightly up, but I'm still not eating properly, so it's slow going and a long time to eat. I just spent 3 minutes on the loo which is a record time for me; it's usually more like 23 minutes minimum. My blood test was O.K. , but something in my liver is high but it's been higher before, so I have to go back again next week for another weigh at exactly the same time on the same scales.
It's a question that's always asked when you go to the doctors or specialist with a problem. it's always 'when did it start/' or 'how long have you had it?' that's not too bad if its just a few days but when you have to go back in time to when my eating started getting worse, I can't pinpoint it. It's like we all need computer memory chips in our head to recall every detail of every day of our life. My brain doesn't work like that. My music teacher at school once gave the best report I ever got . She said I was erratic. Probably the most accurate description of me ever.
I have a follow-up appointment with the psychiatrist at 10.30 today. I don't have a great deal of faith in him, because he doesn't do talking sessions , he just prescribes medication and palmed me off with the psychiatric nurse. We definitely need ore regulated counsellors and psychologists on the NHS. Who knows what counsellor to pick and who can afford them?
Why am I seeing a psychiatrist you ask? (or maybe not). Well it's because on my second trip to the hospital for rehydration. I had a video fleuroscopy (I think that's how you spell it) basically it just x rayed my swallowing from the side and the result was that there was nothing wrong with my swallow so then it was decided that it was all psychological. The won't know really for sure till I have an ENT appointment which I am dreading, but as there's such a long waiting list for that I'm hoping I will be cured before so I won't have to go.
So I'm off to see the psychiatrist now. My husband is driving me as I've just taken a diazepam.
Bye all
Keep well
Well I've managed to dodge another bullet and been kept out of hospital for another week. My weight has gone slightly up, but I'm still not eating properly, so it's slow going and a long time to eat. I just spent 3 minutes on the loo which is a record time for me; it's usually more like 23 minutes minimum. My blood test was O.K. , but something in my liver is high but it's been higher before, so I have to go back again next week for another weigh at exactly the same time on the same scales.
It's a question that's always asked when you go to the doctors or specialist with a problem. it's always 'when did it start/' or 'how long have you had it?' that's not too bad if its just a few days but when you have to go back in time to when my eating started getting worse, I can't pinpoint it. It's like we all need computer memory chips in our head to recall every detail of every day of our life. My brain doesn't work like that. My music teacher at school once gave the best report I ever got . She said I was erratic. Probably the most accurate description of me ever.
I have a follow-up appointment with the psychiatrist at 10.30 today. I don't have a great deal of faith in him, because he doesn't do talking sessions , he just prescribes medication and palmed me off with the psychiatric nurse. We definitely need ore regulated counsellors and psychologists on the NHS. Who knows what counsellor to pick and who can afford them?
Why am I seeing a psychiatrist you ask? (or maybe not). Well it's because on my second trip to the hospital for rehydration. I had a video fleuroscopy (I think that's how you spell it) basically it just x rayed my swallowing from the side and the result was that there was nothing wrong with my swallow so then it was decided that it was all psychological. The won't know really for sure till I have an ENT appointment which I am dreading, but as there's such a long waiting list for that I'm hoping I will be cured before so I won't have to go.
So I'm off to see the psychiatrist now. My husband is driving me as I've just taken a diazepam.
Bye all
Keep well
Monday 16 May 2016
prayer
17th April 2016
Just woke up but my husband got to the bathroom first so I have time to write this and pray. Every morning, before breakfast if I have woken up early enough I read a little section from the Bible and then pray. I usually pray my version of the protection prayer which goes something like this. Lord I pray for the Helmut of salvation on my head that your holy spirit will guide and guard my thoughts throughout the day and thank you for continued protection and healing of my M..S. and thoughts; especially on swallowing and the mucus. I pray for the breastplate of righteousness to protect my heart and chest that I may be cloaked with Christ's righteousness not my own which is as filthy rags in your sight, and I thank you for continued healing of my heart lungs and forgiveness of my sins. I pray for the belt of truth round my waist that I might know your truth and be set free. That your holy spirit might help me to remember your word which is truth in all situations and have the strength to apply it.
I thank you for continued healing under that belt of all my inner working parts; stomach, liver kidneys, bowels. I pray for the shoes of the gospel of peace on my feet that I might know your peace which passes all understanding and be your peace wherever I go.
The sword of the spirit in my hands to know how and when to fight off the attacks of the evil one and the shield of faith to protect me from his fiery darts. Lord I believe help my unbelief.
I may pray a little in tongues and then have a little silence trying to listen but at the moment I don't usually get much; occasionally I will get a scripture or a picture, but not today.
I also prayed about my doctors appointment later and that my blood test from yesterday has come through and is alright. I know it seems long but it doesn't take much time really. At the moment I am reading through the gospel of Luke and Acts. Just a couple of verses a day.
I'm glad I have this blog to share this with you all. Will let you know what the doctor says after I see him maybe in tomorrows blog, because I'm hungry now and want my porridge.
Just woke up but my husband got to the bathroom first so I have time to write this and pray. Every morning, before breakfast if I have woken up early enough I read a little section from the Bible and then pray. I usually pray my version of the protection prayer which goes something like this. Lord I pray for the Helmut of salvation on my head that your holy spirit will guide and guard my thoughts throughout the day and thank you for continued protection and healing of my M..S. and thoughts; especially on swallowing and the mucus. I pray for the breastplate of righteousness to protect my heart and chest that I may be cloaked with Christ's righteousness not my own which is as filthy rags in your sight, and I thank you for continued healing of my heart lungs and forgiveness of my sins. I pray for the belt of truth round my waist that I might know your truth and be set free. That your holy spirit might help me to remember your word which is truth in all situations and have the strength to apply it.
I thank you for continued healing under that belt of all my inner working parts; stomach, liver kidneys, bowels. I pray for the shoes of the gospel of peace on my feet that I might know your peace which passes all understanding and be your peace wherever I go.
The sword of the spirit in my hands to know how and when to fight off the attacks of the evil one and the shield of faith to protect me from his fiery darts. Lord I believe help my unbelief.
I may pray a little in tongues and then have a little silence trying to listen but at the moment I don't usually get much; occasionally I will get a scripture or a picture, but not today.
I also prayed about my doctors appointment later and that my blood test from yesterday has come through and is alright. I know it seems long but it doesn't take much time really. At the moment I am reading through the gospel of Luke and Acts. Just a couple of verses a day.
I'm glad I have this blog to share this with you all. Will let you know what the doctor says after I see him maybe in tomorrows blog, because I'm hungry now and want my porridge.
today is all that counts
16th April 2016
I was thinking this morning that what you did years ago doesn't matter anymore. Unless you're Elvis or someone famous like that no-one cares or remembers. It's what you do today that counts. I'm friends with a 107 year old lady. I've written a short story of her life because I found it interesting. She's seen two world wars, was born in poverty in London; nearly ended up in the workhouse; had to testify against her father in court when she was 15 and had her second baby during the blitz in London, but who wants to read her story? All her friends are dead now and she is really alone except for her family and they are getting ill and old now too. I used to dance performance dance dramas in the church, but because of my disabilities now, I haven't done it for so long that only a few remember. None of the new members of the congregation even know. Now I just arrive late and leave early because I need to get back home to eat something or drink what I can. I'm a bit housebound. Still I can now do this blog and that's what I am doing today. tomorrow I may find out how to put a photo onto my page
I was thinking this morning that what you did years ago doesn't matter anymore. Unless you're Elvis or someone famous like that no-one cares or remembers. It's what you do today that counts. I'm friends with a 107 year old lady. I've written a short story of her life because I found it interesting. She's seen two world wars, was born in poverty in London; nearly ended up in the workhouse; had to testify against her father in court when she was 15 and had her second baby during the blitz in London, but who wants to read her story? All her friends are dead now and she is really alone except for her family and they are getting ill and old now too. I used to dance performance dance dramas in the church, but because of my disabilities now, I haven't done it for so long that only a few remember. None of the new members of the congregation even know. Now I just arrive late and leave early because I need to get back home to eat something or drink what I can. I'm a bit housebound. Still I can now do this blog and that's what I am doing today. tomorrow I may find out how to put a photo onto my page
Sunday 15 May 2016
First blog as Problem Swallower
Hi
This is my first post on my new blog. It is
for anyone who has problems swallowing i.e. (Dysphagia). It will be
shared on the M.S. Trust website, but it's also for anyone with the same
problem
I
was diagnosed with M.S. Dec 2012 Started Disease Modifying drug Copaxone the
following July for a year, when I had a bad reaction to it and came off it
immediately. I was offered tablet alternatives but I have now developed
dysphagia. I have gone from a reasonable 9 stone to 5 stones 10 pounds in about
6 months. I find it difficult to eat all the dairy products that they tell me
will help put on weight because I also have very bad mucus which adds to the
swallowing problem. Fortunately I live at home with my husband who is a
great help to me. He does all the food shop, most of the cooking and
washing up and occasionally helps with the ironing. We have been hoping
to have a new kitchen for about 3 years now, but this problem has put it on
hold. My last visit to the doctor on Tuesday gave me one week to put some
weight on, he says before he will have to admit me to hospital. He
doesn’t want me to have a feeding tube as I can swallow but only very slowly,
and he thinks it would be detrimental to my swallowing abilities to have a tube
or peg. So at the moment i am sitting on the sofa all day (not allowed to
exercise as it burns calories) trying to eat and drink all day, as long as they
aren’t dairy, too thick or too thin liquids. I eat 3 Fortecremes a day
and try to drink half a Fortisip. I always have porridge for breakfast, but
very rarely finish it in about 1 and a half hours and try to eat a kids meal of
chicken and mashed potato with veg and always scrambled egg with one slice of
toast (the crusts cut off, of course). so it’s getting a bit boring now.
I’m thinking of trying Wiltshire Farm foods small meals. Oh well I have
to sign off now to eat another Foretecreme and then its scrambled egg again.
Bye
for now
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