30th August 2016
You may be wondering why I have not commentated on my swallowing progress for a while, since I said I would try and swallow more quickly and not hold the drink or food in my mouth for a long time before swallowing. The reason for this is that unless the change is very miniscule, I have hardly noticed any. I just saw my counsellor this morning and he told me to think BIG. I am a dramatic dancer and I was asked to visualise how I would dance the way I feel now. which was all closed up and shrivelled and holding various parts of my body that ache or don't work so well. Then I was asked to visualise myself doing it without the constraints. this change in thinking brings Hope. Last time I saw him I had an affirmation to say to myself that I'm Kind Caring and Honest now, I am to change the Kind to hopeful. so I have 2 H's now HCH; Hopeful, Caring and Honest.
It's quite a nice day again today, so I've just been out the back garden doing my 18 Shi ba shi (I think that's how you spell them) Tai chi exercises; but it was very hot on my forehead so I'm a bit giddy now. My counsellor told me to see all the different colour greens there are. It's a bit hard with the sun in your eyes, but there are millions. Therefore there are millions of possibilities for change, if we open ourselves to the possibilities.
I've been challenged by my counsellor to change things again to get out of my rut. Remember, I changed my brush cleaning routine and it did have a slight freeing experience on me. So I am to think outside the box;. Challenge negative thinking and replace it with positive. Sounds familiar, so I'm still not doing it correctly. Just need a lot more practice.
Fold your arms. Now fold them the other way. It's not immediately easy is it? That's what changing our habits are like. Needs thought and practice
My feet are still puffy in this hot weather, by the way.
Bye for now
Tuesday 30 August 2016
Tuesday 23 August 2016
Athletic inspiration
23/8/2016
Well I've had a good report from my doctor. My blood test was normal and I'm 7 stone 6 pounds. The only problem now is that I'm still not swallowing normally and I've only manage to put weight on because I've been able to take twice as long as everyone else to ea
t my food. I have to get up that much earlier to allow time to eat; So I try not to have any early appointments. I wonder how long it will be before I can come off the Fortecremes and eat normally (swallow normally) soon I hope?
I must admit that following the Olympic team has inspired me to try and get more mobile and better my self in every way. What a fortnight we had!
Well I've had a good report from my doctor. My blood test was normal and I'm 7 stone 6 pounds. The only problem now is that I'm still not swallowing normally and I've only manage to put weight on because I've been able to take twice as long as everyone else to ea
t my food. I have to get up that much earlier to allow time to eat; So I try not to have any early appointments. I wonder how long it will be before I can come off the Fortecremes and eat normally (swallow normally) soon I hope?
I must admit that following the Olympic team has inspired me to try and get more mobile and better my self in every way. What a fortnight we had!
Tuesday 16 August 2016
Wherewithall
16/8/2016
I have been using that word Wherewithal a lot lately; the dictionary says it's about not having enough money; like 'I'm sorry I Don't have the wherewithal today' meaning I don't have enough money, but I think it best describes my abilities. I had lunch at my mother in laws on Sunday; She makes a great vegetable lasagne, but I was getting a bit embarrassed about how long it was taking me to eat it while everyone sat around trying to think up new topics of discussion, eventually I gave up and said' I don't have the wherewithal to eat any more'; It does cover a multitude of situations.
I am gradually still gaining weight so I'm up to 7 stone 3 and a 1/2 pounds, but I feel fat and bloated round the stomach. I hope to be able to build up my strength a bit with exercise, but it's difficult when most of your time in the day is taken up eating. I've been watching the Olympics and thinking why can't I run like that or do anything they are doing. I did that BBC on line match of your height and weight to the nearest Olympic competitor. I was matched with a rhythmic gymnast which would be right up my street as I use balls, hoops and ribbons to teach exercise when I am working. Of course we don't do anything like the gymnasts at Olympic standard. I haven't done my class for nearly a year now. I just wonder how long this is going to take for me to be able to eat normally again. We were hoping to go to America nest year to see the Eclipse, but I don't know how much hassle it would be and if I'd be still eating Fortecremes and drinking Fortesips, not to mention disability parking and getting through an airport; I'm not up to walking it at the moment, and I remember there being a lot of walking every time I've been to an airport.
Bye for now
I have been using that word Wherewithal a lot lately; the dictionary says it's about not having enough money; like 'I'm sorry I Don't have the wherewithal today' meaning I don't have enough money, but I think it best describes my abilities. I had lunch at my mother in laws on Sunday; She makes a great vegetable lasagne, but I was getting a bit embarrassed about how long it was taking me to eat it while everyone sat around trying to think up new topics of discussion, eventually I gave up and said' I don't have the wherewithal to eat any more'; It does cover a multitude of situations.
I am gradually still gaining weight so I'm up to 7 stone 3 and a 1/2 pounds, but I feel fat and bloated round the stomach. I hope to be able to build up my strength a bit with exercise, but it's difficult when most of your time in the day is taken up eating. I've been watching the Olympics and thinking why can't I run like that or do anything they are doing. I did that BBC on line match of your height and weight to the nearest Olympic competitor. I was matched with a rhythmic gymnast which would be right up my street as I use balls, hoops and ribbons to teach exercise when I am working. Of course we don't do anything like the gymnasts at Olympic standard. I haven't done my class for nearly a year now. I just wonder how long this is going to take for me to be able to eat normally again. We were hoping to go to America nest year to see the Eclipse, but I don't know how much hassle it would be and if I'd be still eating Fortecremes and drinking Fortesips, not to mention disability parking and getting through an airport; I'm not up to walking it at the moment, and I remember there being a lot of walking every time I've been to an airport.
Bye for now
Monday 8 August 2016
From the Incredible Shrinking Woman to the Invisible Woman
Mon 8/8/2016
When I was loosing weight at an alarming rate I felt like the incredible shrinking woman and there was no end in sight but death from my point of view. Now I'm putting on weight I feel fat, because it's all gone round my middle. I went to the Staff BarBQ at the Nursing Home where I go for one hour a week and I stayed inside watching the TV while all the other staff rushed around getting drinks and tables etc. set up. I looked at the food and thought I couldn't eat it anyway because it was spicy and not on my list of foods. I hadn't brought my Fortecreme, because I thought I would be eating something. But just sitting there not being able to help out made me feel redundant and invisible. I just took a couple of photos and left early.
Loss of confidence and energy has made me quite down not to mention the lack of sleep, which has added to my predicament. I really do feel like a nobody, a nothing right now because I can't do what I would like to be able to do to help out, and help myself.
I saw the counsellor this morning and I am to repeat a mantra to myself every day I am Kind, Caring and Honest. This is to help my low self esteem. I've been bogged down with negative thoughts about myself for so long that I can't think anything else right now If I recognise a negative thought,(which is nearly all the time) I am to drop it. Easier said than done, but I will give it a go.
Bye again
Problemswallower
When I was loosing weight at an alarming rate I felt like the incredible shrinking woman and there was no end in sight but death from my point of view. Now I'm putting on weight I feel fat, because it's all gone round my middle. I went to the Staff BarBQ at the Nursing Home where I go for one hour a week and I stayed inside watching the TV while all the other staff rushed around getting drinks and tables etc. set up. I looked at the food and thought I couldn't eat it anyway because it was spicy and not on my list of foods. I hadn't brought my Fortecreme, because I thought I would be eating something. But just sitting there not being able to help out made me feel redundant and invisible. I just took a couple of photos and left early.
Loss of confidence and energy has made me quite down not to mention the lack of sleep, which has added to my predicament. I really do feel like a nobody, a nothing right now because I can't do what I would like to be able to do to help out, and help myself.
I saw the counsellor this morning and I am to repeat a mantra to myself every day I am Kind, Caring and Honest. This is to help my low self esteem. I've been bogged down with negative thoughts about myself for so long that I can't think anything else right now If I recognise a negative thought,(which is nearly all the time) I am to drop it. Easier said than done, but I will give it a go.
Bye again
Problemswallower
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