Had myself a smelly little Christmas

27/12/2017
Hi everyone I'm back after the Christmas stress.  I always get really stressed at Christmas, and there's no real reason to now. My husband .Bless him does all the food shop and cooking. The day before Christmas Eve, I went to the Chiropodist as my Big right toe was hurting. I couldn't believe I was seen so quickly at such a time of the year.  She seemed to do a good job of cutting the offending nails (they curl inward a lot). So Christmas Eve the Big Right toe was puffy and really hurt to touch, but they saw me again a (different person) and padded me up for comfort over Christmas.  Trouble was that I couldn't shower or get the padding wet so all over Christmas I flannel washed. I don't think I smelled too bad, but I've definitely eaten too much. It's the chocolate that does it and I just read on the internet that chocolate is bad for Acid reflux, so I've been upping the anti acid medicines over Christmas 'Cos I can't resist Chocolate!

Bye for now and Happy new year

pink socks and carrier bags

6/12/2017

Long time no Blog sorry folks.  I've been stressed trying to find things all around the house.  It's still in such a mess and we are far from being ready for Christmas, and I am far from mentally able to sort out the mess.
I have three pink socks.  Can I make a pair? No they are three different shades of pink.  Can I find any other socks? No.  I've been wearing the same three pairs of socks over and over for the last few months now. In trying to throw things out and with the shops not giving you carrier bags any more; my living room floor is carrier bags of rubbish and rubbish I have no more carrier bags for.

Anyway happy Christmas to all.

Bye for now

A sausage for Jesus

What a state the world has become, when we think it's acceptable for a patisserie shop to put a sausage in the baby Jesus crib Nativity scene.  that's all we think about these days is what we are to eat or wear.  Jesus says the exact opposite take no thought about what you shall eat or what you shall wear, the Lord knows all our needs and will provide for us.  I'm about half way through my Christmas cards.  I think most will be emailed  next year if I have the address as it was 56p for a second class stamp.  I always send them early to get them out the way, especially the overseas ones. They do take a long time to go through my list.
I'm still trying to get the place tidy. Seems an impossible job, especially with Christmas coming up and if we have any guests come round.

Got to sort out all the Christmas Carols for my guitar now to play at the Nursing Home Service.

Bye for now

Itchy ear

13/11/2017

I have an electric toothbrush. Can anyone tell me why whenever I use it my left ear always itches?
Christmas is fast approaching and I'm already panicking. I always get like this at this time of year.  I think it's to do with the extra stress of Carol Services, Christmas cards, Shopping (which I can't really do now as I'm practically housebound. On top of all that I have neuralgia in my teeth.  I just had a check up and it was O. K. but that's the last check up with our current dentist so I have to find another one now.

Bye for now

The hunt for socks October

28/10/2017

Why is it that I can never find two matching pairs of socks. I have those socks with different colours on the toes and heels so in theory that makes them easy to pair up. Well think again. No it doesn't if you can only find one of them.  I now have 5 socks of one colour sock.  Is there a sock land they all fly off to for the winter?

Bye for now

last days on earth

17/10/2017

What a mess

Are we nearing the apocalypse? As I look at the news it's all bad. Fires, storms; flooding; fighting; everywhere you turn there seems to be something going wrong or bad.  Who's going to announce themselves the next saviour of the earth.  If that happens then we are in trouble.

Bye for now

out with th old

10/10/2017

It's knackering going through all old stuff and trying to decide if you will ever need any of it again
I've just come across papers and an ink cartridge for a typewriter I haven't used since I don't know when.  What's the betting that a charity shop won't even take it anymore and if they did no-one would want to buy it.  Everyone uses computers now. I wonder what other gems I will find on my adventure.  It's like searching for buried treasure!

Bye for now

Bad Timing

5/10/2017

Ever had one of those days when everything seems to be out of sync with you or you with it.  Yesterday I had to go to the post office to post my driving license off to change the photo; when I arrived the attendant was on a 10 minute break, so I had to hang around (no seat). Then I popped to the chemist to pick up my prescription; and I was told if I waited half an hour the one thing I was waiting for would be in. So I popped into the co-op next door to buy a bread roll to go with my soup and the queue was out the door by this time I really needed a sit down and a rest. I came back home for a coffee and then cooked dinner.  My chemist is shut between 1 ab 2pm so I thought I'd watch Neighbours before I go out again.  There is a sandwich shop on the way to the chemist and it shut at 2.30.  I got there 2.27 and they'd packed up. So I picked my prescription up and got 2 rolls which had been sitting in the air for a number of hours and were dry.  So I didn't eat much of them when I finally did make the soup (and I had no chicken stock, had to use gravy granules).  But as bad as my day was, it was nothing in comparison to Theresa May's debarkle whilst trying to talk to the Conservative Party Conference;  what with her constant cough, someone handing her a P45 and letters falling off the wall behind her as she talked.  It was like a comedy show.  No-one could have scripted it better.

Bye for now

another day another dollar as they say

2/10/2017
 That's not actually true in my case.  It implies you are working.  I haven't work for over a year now.  I struggle to go to the Nursing Home once a week for an hour.  This week of course it's all Harvest
Services around the Homes. I'm just playing guitar for the hymns at one.  But my voice is pants at the moment.  Half the notes don't come out at all so I'm relying on the other guys from the  church to sing better than me.
I went to the Camera shop today to get passport photos of myself ugh! for my driving licence. How can any passport photo look nice?
Have you ever seen anyone look nice in a passport photo? It's like we're all drug addicts.

Bye for now

strangers

26/7/2017

Hi folks.  I've just realised I've not blogged for nearly a month; this borders on the unacceptable. I don't have much of an excuse either. I had a never ending cough followed by a never ending nose cold and then we went away for a week to Suffolk. I've had three lots of antibiotics and the cough has come back again.  It's really gone deep into my chest now. No wonder I'm feeling low and useless.  I just finished a book called 'Finding the Still point' by someone Mahoney; I've given it to a friend already.  To be honest I found it more annoying than useful.  He kept talking about the number 5 being the still point that we all want to try and get to in every situation bringing it either up or down to that point but he also talked about finding your Motto. A couple of years ago it would have been to sing and dance for God but I can't say that anymore. So I got stuck at that point and said what's the point in continuing? but it was a short book so I finished it, but I still don't have my Motto; what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.

Bye for now,  I'll try and write sooner next time

Every day's a Holiday

24/8/2017

I thought this a couple of Sundays ago.  I don't know where it came from.  It suddenly popped into my mind during the church sermon, but had nothing to do with the sermon I don't think. I had a warm glowing feeling that everything is all right and there is never any reason to worry or panic about anything.  Now if you know me at all you wouldn't ever believe me saying that, as all my life I've been a worrier and the glass has always been half empty not half full.  I'm usually a regular Eyore. I wish I knew what had happened to change me. because it would be worth a fortune; like winning the lottery only better because it could help so many people.  just keep saying to yourself 'Every day's a holiday' and it could change your outlook on life.; less worry; more relaxed; not bothered about anything.

Bye for now

Gutted

22/8/2017

Ever since our total eclipse of the sun in the deepest recesses of Cornwall in 1999 we have been planning on seeing another one and we had it all worked out to go to the one across America in 2017.  It seems like yesterday.  We knew where we were going to stay and when to go forever and then I got M.S. we haven't been on a plane for 8 years. Our passports have expired now, so we have to live with the cloudy glimpse we had of the Eclipse of 1999 for the rest of our lives now.
At least we have that and we did experience the darkness and silence, but still we were gutted after all the planning not to be able to go after all.

Hope any of you were able to see it for real

Bye for now

It's offical 10 Stones exactly

7/8/2017

Yeah I am officially 10 stone and have been for a few days now.  I was 5St something last year.  How did this happen? I'll have to get new clothes again for a different reason now.  I've been watching the World Athletics.  The runners especially don't have an once of fat on them.  But I can't run or exercise like they can, so why shouldn't I be allowed to eat what I want when I'm hungry and drink when I'm dry as the old Irish folksong 'the Moonshiner' says.

I expect most people feel this way.  I'm thinking people will think I'm lazy, but before I got M.S. I could never sit still; now I am the opposite I very rarely move.  I've still got a cough and am taking antibiotics for it and now I have a cold, so I'm feeling pretty lousy today.  Hope you are feeling better.

Bye for now

Dead end

24/7/2017

Had a dream the other night I was driving with my husband and another car.  I'm not sure if it was a fun chase or the other car was after us anyway we turned off onto a little side road that kept getting narrower until there was only room for us and our car is quite small. Finally we came to the end of the road.  we could see that it led us back on to the main road but it was just a little gap closed with a wire fence. motor bikes came through it and I thought we probably could. there was a large house right by our side and I knocked the door and asked if we could go through by cutting the rails or something. I don't think it was allowed. I woke up thinking of my difficulty in swallowing and if the narrow fence had anything to my narrow swallow and how it was stopping me from being on the main road.

Funny things dreams are aren't they. I want my dream to point me in a direction with my life.  I don't think I've had that one yet.

Bye for now

one clash of thunder and 2 drops of rain

21/7/2917

we were promised thunder storms and at 11 pm we had one crack of thunder and about 2 drops of rain so we went to bed disappointed as we thought that was it. then at 1.30 am the skies lit up like the 4th of July in the U.S. or 'The day of the Triffids'.  I though we would all go blond from the continual light flashes which were so intense and then the thunder rolled on for hours and then the rain pored down like Noah's ark. A small village in Cornwall was practically washed away.

I'll never doubt the weather forecast again.

Oh no it's getting hot and humid again next week. My ankle is swollen and I don't feel like doing anything. I'm 9st 11 again. Aw!

Bye for now

So you think it's all over well now it is

13/7/2017

Just watched Johanna Konta play Venus Williams in the semi finals at Wimbledon and Kointa lost. She still made British history for being the first British woman to reach the semifinals in about 40yuears.
I am in a dilemma because my old college mates want to hold a reunion in London, but I'm not able to walk miles on trains and tubes carrying my luggage or even just myself. It's a sticky problem I might just have to gibe it a miss.

Aww!!!

Bye for now

The Spider trap

6/7/2017
Did you ever sing 'incy wincy spider. clibed up the water spout, Down came the rain and washed poor incy out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.  So incy wincy spider climbed the spout again.

I guess I'm not afraid of spiders because of this song.  I just don't like the thought of them crawling over my face in the night or any other part of me. I just feel a degree of sympathy for them thinking of them being caught up in this continual trap like a roundabout or groundhog day always in the drainpipe.

I feel like that some days.  Oh here we go again same old. same old, but life goes on and on doesn't it?
It's too hot for my liking I don't know how these Tennis players cope with the heat.  Watching Wimbledon now and loving it so far.

Bye for now

On the wrong track

28/6/2017

Now you know it's not American because there aren't 28 months in a year. That's how we brits roll.  I've been to America for a holiday quite a few times now; I've lost count and the one thing that really bugged me is that I was always referred to as English,; not British.  It got my goat a couple of times because I'm Welsh.  I don't mind admitting to being British or from the U.K., but I'm definitely not English its like saying every American is a Texan or Californian. I think the things that make me British are things other countries wouldn't get like when someone says 'What do you think of it so far?', we shout 'rubbish' Because we were brought up with 'Morecombe and Wise'.  I did that in Disneyland and obviously I was outnumbered as far as Brits go because everyone was saying to me oh no they're good. The Brits gave you the Carry on films and 'Allo, 'Allo. and 'Dads army'. Humour that only we get.  the Welsh have an even different kind of humour altogether.  It's difficult to describe in words you kind of have to be there.  Some people take offence at some things we say because they've taken it the wrong way.  Try and find some Max Boyce to get the idea.

Talking about a totally different subject I had a dream the other night that I was driving my car on a railway track and I turned where it said to turn and I came to a dead end. When it comes to interpretation of dreams, I can only see that as telling me I'm on the wrong track; but I still haven't a clue what the right track is.

9st 121bs and not liking it a bit

bye for now

9/11

13/6/2017

I hate being 9 stone and 11 pounds because it reminds me of the 9/11 attack at the twin towers.
My husband has just got the news that he got the job he was interviewed for last Thursday, so he can stay home working for the most part now.
I was beginning to think that it may be a good thing for me if he wasn't home all the time because I could become more independent and maybe lose some of that excess weight that is building up every day.  It's so bizarre how quickly I have gone from being 5 stone 5 and worrying for my life to now being overweight (slightly).  I don't like it.  Everyone is voluntarily telling me how well I look, but I felt healthier when I was 6 stone.

Well, you can't win them all.

It's a hot day today for the U.K. that usually means bad news for M.S. sufferers.  So I'm trying to keep cool and hydrated, but that's a little tricky with still having some difficulty swallowing liquids.

Bye for now

What a mess

10/6/2017

Where do we go from here with a hung parliament what does it all mean? I'm glad I'm a Christian at uncertain times like these and with the terrorism. I know I stand on solid ground. when I trust in God. our church is doing a read the bible in a year project at the moment, and I find it comforting and relatable in many ways to what we face on a daily basis now.

Let's see how it all unfolds in the coming weeks and months.

Bye for now

Nothing to say?

3/6/2017

It would be a change if the politicians had nothing to say.  Do we trust any of them? How do you know? they're all human and they will all let us down in some way or another so who do you voter for? And what difference will it make?

Vote for 'none of the above'.

I'm going back to simpler times in my mind where everything so much less complicated. yes meant yes and no meant no.  Why can't we count on that anymore?

Bye for now

catastrphising again

1/6/2017

I went to the doctors on an emergency appointment about 5.30 last night because I had a pain in my left lung.  I  knew it wasn't my heart, but I could still see that old ambulance carting me off to hospital for some life threatening misfortune. Turns out I had pulled a muscle; so much for movement. I try and be a bit more active (not going berserk) Just gentle flowing movements to  music that's supposed to send you to sleep and  this is what I get. I dropped a pound on the scale but had wind, hiccups and this pain. Is it worth it?

Bye for now

Too darn hot

31/5/2017

I don't like this heat it isn't good for my M.S. I already feel tired but the heat doubles the discomfort.
Another day of mostly watching the TV and drying to stay still.  I moved a little to the peaceful You Tube music that is supposed to help you sleep, but if you move to it they can be gentle movements and help you to keep your flexibility.
The old Catastrophizing is kicking in again as I have a pain in my left lung and keep burping and hiccupping a lot.

Oh no.  there's something wrong with my heart! Must be.  just went out the back garden in the sun and did some Tai Chi Exercises.

I don't know if the scale is working correctly because yesterday I was 9st and 12 pounds.  I only did a bit of movement and today I'm 9st 9 pounds.  I couldn't've lost 3 pounds overnight.  Can I do that again tomorrow please and send some cool breezes.

Bye for now

Mentality sick bombing

23/5/2017

I can't believe what I'm seeing on the TV today 22 died at Manchester bombing. What kind of sickness is in the suicide bomber who kills mostly young girls;  for what reason? There can be no justification in the world for this sick behaviour.  I grieve for the families. Hope the news is better tomorrow.

Bye for now

Deaparate measures for the blimp girl

16/5/2017

Well we didn't do so badly at the Eurovision after all, but I was right in that we didn't crack the to- ten we came 15th (UK)Salvador from Portugal won and I'm sure it was a lovely song except we didn't know what it was about we didn't have translation this year.  It was very subdued and intimate.

I just went shopping for some new bras as I've out grown my old ones. Never been so fat before 9 stone 11lbs. I feel like Michelin man.  Fat trying to escape hanging out of my bra and over the top of my trousers; not a pretty sight or feeling;  I will have to be more strict with myself and cut down on the rubbish stuff like biscuits and chocolate. She says just having had a pile of shortbread biscuits before this.
How can thing change so quickly? One day I'm fading away and only a few months later I'm the shortest  hulk without the muscle, just fat.

It was all that 'encouragement ' from well meaning friends I suppose I've got into a habit of eating.

Still waiting for the return of my driving license and a P60 from The DWP for my benefits.  I tried phoning twice yesterday.  the first time I stayed on the phone for 30 minutes the second only 10 and then again this afternoon about 1.30 for 15 minutes.  It would be easier to go to Scotland I think.

Bye for now

Desparate for a loo

13/5/2017

The 13th today, but I'm not superstitious are you?
Saturday afternoon may be my favourite time of the week; no work to think about; best TV viewing night like Dr Who and Pointless.  Of course it's the Eurovision tonight.  I used to get excited about that and I still find a bit of interest in the bizarre costumes and songs.  We haven't won it for ages and because Britain has voted to leave the EU it might mean even fewer votes for us (not that it could get much worse) I think we were last but one last year, so we'll probably be last this year. Unless you have a gimmick like a beard on a cross dresser (Conchita Wurst, I think that's how you say it) or a brilliant band like ABBA, what chance have you got? If you're reading this in America then you won't have a clue what I'm talking about, but there's this annual event called Eurovision where quite a lot of European countries compete for the most popular song, but it's getting really political now and you see all the Scandinavian countries voting for each other e.t.c. It's quite comical in some ways especially when Terry Wogan used to do the commentary.  Graham Norton  (another Irish) guy has taken over since Terry's demise and he is funny too, but hasn't got quite the Wogan Wit.

I'm tired already I don't think I'll be watching till the wee hours of the morning for the results.

I went to the opticians the other day to check out this floater in my eye. Having walked a little distance to get to the opticians I wanted to go to the bathroom but they had no facility.  they told me to walk round the corner to the nearest pub and use their loo.  Now as I have M.S. I was already fatigued and was grateful that I didn't have to go upstairs to use the pub loo. But having to walk back to the opticians nearly killed me and I was out for the rest of the day.

This morning I told my doctor and he said there should 've been a loo and I should write to the CQC (Care Quality commission) to report it.  so I think that's what I'll do.


Bye for now

Change or no change

11/5/2016

So I went to the opticians for the second time this week.  The first time I was told I couldn't drive 'cos they were going to put drops in my eyes to dilate my pupils. I was really all right about it but still found myself taking 3, 5 mg Diazepam's to go.  that really calmed me down;  I just wish I could feel like that without the medicine. I was up early today to iron and be ready for a friend from church to pick me up and take me out for a coffee with our minister's wife.  At first I felt spaced out and a little out of my comfort zone because I hadn't taken any tablets, but apart from my 3 tablet day blitz yesterday I've managed to cut down the diazepam to one 5 mg tablet a day which I'm sure my doctor will be glad to know.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a song on my mind so I have the start and the idea for a new song which is quite good I just wish I could sing it better.

I feel like I am tied down; something is holding me back from really living and going for life.  Do you ever feel like that sometimes.  I've put the book reading of  'A purpose driven life' on hold for the time being because of our church's mission of trying to read the Bible in a year. Not able to read much more at this time.  It's a dull life I lead now; far different from what I used to be i.e. very active, always going somewhere or doing something.  I still want to get my musical off the ground but don't have much insight into who and how I'm going to get help to start it.

I'm sure things will liven up soon with my husband's job about to change any day now to I don't know what.

Bye for now

The Good, The Bad(depending on which way you look at it) and the ugly

7/5/2017

Hi folks, just not been free much to do blogs lately.  I've started my lip reading course; done my second week now and finding it fun. So far we've looked at th  as in that and l as in a word like whole or London. I feel a bit of a fraud because the others in the class are really going deaf and I'm there because of Tinnitus.  I have hearing aids but choose not to wear them as I find them too much hassle.

Let's come to the Good;  well I mentioned this in my last post i.e. It was a lovely day last Thursday;  Beautiful sunshine coming out in time for my friend's son's wedding. Couldn't think of a nicer way to spend the Thursday afternoon.
I think that said it all; the bad was last Thursday two weeks later I went to a thanksgiving service of the organist from our church. He has suffered a long time.  He was a brilliant musician and made me feel at home in the church when I first came because he encouraged me to play the guitar in the music group and then I later went on to lead the worship in song for a little while. Knowing that I did presentation dances he also suggested I do a dance to Graham Kendrick's 'Thorns in the Straw' from our choir's rendition of 'Rumours of Angels'  well I think that's what the whole set was called.

He also used his Music Software to write out the score for one of my songs. When he was fading I said 'you have to get better, to write a musical with me' and he said 'I'll hold you to that'.  I guess that will never happen now.  I have all the songs, I needed Alan's genius to fill in the rest of the score. But at least his suffering is over now which is why I said depends on how you look at it.in my title. His family are all involved in the Church and we all believe he is with Jesus now.

The ugly has 2 stories one funny and one not so I'll lead with the funny.  It was my husband's birthday a few days ago and while he was out doing our weekly food shop.  I popped round the corner to get a Lemon drizzle cake, a bunch of flowers and just for a laugh a Kinder surprise egg, as he was in a glum mood about getting older;  he always gets like this around his birthday.  Well I put the egg on the settee next to me wanting to surprise him after dinner and it had rolled under me so I was in actual fact sitting on it, so when I came to give it to him it was slightly bashed and partly melted.
The not so funny is my bowels;  well you could count it as funny if you go by all the farting and burping, but I'm worried that I have a blockage somewhere and there's something more serious going on as I often have regurgitation.  Oh well I'm seeing the doc on Friday.

Bye for now

Worried about not having a car

25/4/2017

Haven't blogged for a while; been preoccupied with our churches new ambition to read the Bible in a year.  As I started about 10 days late because of having the new kitchen done and I'm not the fastest of readers I'm about 20 days behind now.  I am still struggling to know what my purpose is in life at the moment with having M.S. and Fibromyalgia.  I am going to start a lip reading course on Friday.  I though it might come in handy as my husband says I don't hear a word he says (or he thinks I'm ignoring him.).

It was a lovely day last Thursday;  Beautiful sunshine coming out in time for my friend's boy's wedding. Couldn't think of a nicer way to spend the Thursday afternoon.
My husband is out shopping now. 

I am worried about my driving license.  The D.V.L.A. has had it for ages and keeps sending me letters asking for proof that I am fit to drive.  I will be devastated if I can't have my car any more, that will practically be the end of me.

Maynday thursday Blues

13/4/2017
It's Maundy Thursday and usually it's my favourite service of the year, where the church is stripped bare while the scriptures of his last night before Passover and then the crucifixion and we are left in silent reflection and walk out in darkness feeling completely stripped of life's strappings and thoughts only on God or Jesus.  But this year I am denied this beautiful service in our church because it's been changed to a family friendly bring your own food to share.  What am I to do?

I don't feel like it's a time for rejoicing, but one of mourning as the name suggests Maundy service.

So I will probably spend the night watching the TV again.

Bye for now

Fear and insecurity

11/4/17

Last time I checked I was 9 stone 9, so I've joined the majority of the western world and am trying to count the calories, but I'm not at all motivated.  I'll have to get bigger clothes or do what I didn't wasn't to do ; go back to size 12 again; I'm in size 10s now but they are getting tighter everyday.  I look in the mirror and see the protruding stomach like I'm 4 months pregnant.  Why does it always go there? I can't exercise much because of my M.S. and Fibromyalgia. So what can I do except eat less.

I still have a problem swallowing though there's fear and hesitation in opening my throat to swallow;  I think this is due to my husbands insecurity about his job at the moment.

Sorry I'm not a barrel of laughs today I think it's the most wonderful thing in the world; to make people laugh and I wish I could.

bye for now

High flying

4/4/17
Easter is nearly upon us and I've just been practising Easter Hymns for our service at the Nursing Home I go to one hour a week now.  Is it just me or did people sing higher years ago.  The Christmas Carols are the worst.  My voice is pants at the moment anyway; very limited range so I pitch the songs too low for some of them to sing and even then I can't sing the higher notes.  I guess the higher they sang, the more God would hear it.

Bye for now

Falling apart

3/4/17

'Everything put together falls apart.' Isn't that a line from a song? Paul Simon? Joni Mitchel spring to mind, but maybe not.  Still stagnating in my messy room, getting fatter addicted to Chocca Moccas or however you spell them. Went to church yesterday.  Our new minister told us that he loved us.  Don't think I've heard a minister say that with such conviction and not in a sentimental way; just after he's given us all communion.

I lit a candle at the end of the service.  It was for 3 reasons; our Organist, my husbands job and my health.  I don't know which one I cried a little for.  I think it was our brilliant musician. He said he's holding me to us doing a musical together when he gets better. I hope he gets better soon he looks really bad.

Stop it

28/3/2017

Weighed myself this morning and I'm now up to 9 stone 3lbs. Weight just falls off you when you don't eat.  so you'd think the solution to stop getting bigger is just don't eat, nut it's not as simple as that.  It seems like I've joined the main populous and am like everyone else trying to lose weight.  After months of trying to eat all the things that are bad for you Chocolate, ice ream and biscuits etc. I now have to do a complete 180 degree turn and do the opposite.  no chocolate no biscuits, no Ice cream.  It's harder when you've done the opposite for so long.  I feel hungry all the time now whereas before I didn't.

It's so difficult to STOP IT.

Bye for now

Addicted

23/3/2017

I have just sent a second urgent for diazepam as I only have 5 tablets left and I take 2 a day, But I think sometimes I forget that I've taken one and take another, especially at bedtime.  I've also become addicted to the Chocca Mocca coffees. This is making me fat and although I've bought fruit to eat instead of Chocolate when I have my coffees I just can't resist the chocolate, so I guess I'm addicted to  that too.

What is it about addiction I know I'm stronger than this; at least I have been in the past.

How do we find the strength to fight our additions?

I'll keep trying and let's see where we(I)  get.

Bye for now

CRB or DBSs

16/3/2017

After the frantic hullaballoo of getting CRBs about a decade or so ago.  There still doesn't seem to be any straightforward answers to the practices of holding and using a CRB.  We don't even know whether to call it a CRB or DBS anymore.  This is utter and sheer madness, and has been from day one. I'm self-employed. There seems to be even more confusion for us than for employers.

I'm getting too fat now and feel sluggish and unhealthy.  Being addicted to Chocca Moccas doesn't help in keeping the weight down especially if you don't exercise due to pain or fatigue.

As you know I have difficulty in swallowing so liquids which pose the greatest problem have to be at a certain consistency, which is equal to the Chocca Moccas. So at least I'm taking on some fluids.

Bye for now

Eye, eye

1303/2017

Having just posted a form to the DVLA that my eyesight was problem less, I know have floaters and some flashing in my left eye, but it doesn't bother me and doesn't affect my driving; not that I go anywhere much these days just the doctors, the chemist and church which is just up the road.  Oh yes I'm also teaching  a girl to play the guitar tonight; she's my friend's next door neighbour.  I still haven't found my tuner, as we still haven't sorted out the kitchen mess. that's what I should be doing now.  Still haven't found my purpose in life.  Does anyone really know? And does it change from day to day or even by the hour or minute?

Just think I'll have a cup of coffee before I start to move some kitchen stuff again and try to find, with my wonky eye,  my tuner.

Bye for now

What with these feet?

10/3/2017
Just received an email from The M.S. society telling me to walk to raise awareness and/or money for MS.  I have MS.  plus very bad feet.  Someone will have to do the walking for me.  My husband works at home at the moment but it seems unlikely that this will continue much longer so I'll have to start doing a lot more for myself than I do now, especially housework, shopping, cooking, washing dishes etc.
I'm not lazy honest just fatigue very easily ( and did I mention I have very bad feet).

Bye for now

Dreamer

7/2/2017
 Our church is on a mission to read the bible in a year.  I've fallen way behind and just read Luke Chapter 8.  Now I've read this many times before.  I've never thought about this before but in verse 23 it says that Jesus lay down for a nap.  there are lots of things to be taken out of this chapter no doubt; but this time I was really struck with the question 'What did Jesus Dream?'  We are told in many ways he was just an ordinary person like any of us, but I put a lot of store in dreams and if I was God or the Son of God What would I dream?  Would it be a dram of heaven or a mixture of the days events or of things to come? I'm still pondering that one I guess it's another one of those mysteries that can never be known to us mortals, but it is something worth pondering about I think.

Bye for now

Walk like a crab

5/2/2017

What they don't tell you is though it may take a week to get the kitchen cleared (probably more); you're still left with sorting out mounds of rubbish and having to chuck out things you can't use anymore.  I started teaching guitar to a little girl last week and I still can't find my tuner, been looking for a week now.  I have to walk like a crab round the house; it's a wonder I haven't fallen yet.

WHERE'S MY TUNER?

A friend of mine died yesterday.  She was 108, but you still feel the loss even though she'd moved away.

Feel a little sad because of that and unfulfilled because my friend isn't coming back to church anymore as he says he has another job.  I am still searching for what my purpose is in life now due to my differing circumstances.  I don't know what I can and can't do anymore that would be of any use to anyone, or even for myself.  I've already broken my new year  idea of cutting down on the mochas in fact I think I've increased them today.

Bye for now

The Necessary

2/3/2017
I had what was probably my last session with a counsellor yesterday and he quoted a Roman Soldier 'Only do what is necessary and be glad about it'.  I've been thinking about that quite a bit lately.  In may case, I mostly can only do what is necessary before I get fatigued, Which isn't a lot and at first I used to get very frustrated with the whole situation, but accepting it and being glad has made me much calmer and happier.  I realised I was always looking at the half empty glass; now it makes life so much easier to look at the glass as half full.  you can only do what you are able to and that the end of it.

Keep Calm
Bye for now

Bad timing

28/2/2017

It's no the cough that carries you off but the coffin they carry you off in as the saying goes and I'm nearly there.  just started taking Penicillin for my 3 week long cough.  It's draining. This is the after math of that cold I had 3 weeks ago.  And it's at this time that I'm asked whether I feel fit enough to go back to work.  well (cough) what(cough) do (cough) you think (Cough, cough)?

I'm still pretty much in my FREEZE stage as well because of this cough and everything else going on
We're still in a right mess in the house.  Cant find or get at anything I need.  Just taught a little girl a guitar lesson yesterday and I really enjoyed it, but it was difficult for me carrying  my guitar around to her house.  She like me likes Amy Macdonald, nut I can't get at my cd now oh well Bad timing I suppose. Not enough time and energy to get myself sorted out.

Bye for now

Feeling disempowered

23/2/2017

I was feeling very anxious and almost suicidal yesterday.  I'm not completely sure why.  It may be because my husband is definitely moving to a transition centre next week and I will be left to fend for myself; all alone.  It could also be a recognition of my fragility and lack of power right now. From working so hard and finding it hard to work I now don't know if I want to work, but if I just give up now won't that make me feel worse?

Dilemma, dilemma

Bye for now

Still coughing well

22/2/2017

Was supposed to be singing with my poet friend at the Home today, but she's quite capable of getting on with it by herself;  said I'd do my half on Friday.  You know the story about the fight or flight syndrome from ancient days to get us out of trouble.  There's more talk now about the freeze' like when a rabbit is caught in the headlights of a car it just freezes.  Well I am feeling more like that every day now.  I sit on my settee and just freeze watching TV. There's loads of info on the fight or flight response, but not so much on the FREEZE.

I am in the Frozen Zone right now don't want to move or do anything;  too scared.

Bye for now

All in the mind

20/2/1017

I'm still coughing and a little off my food.  at least '[m not worried about that anymore; in fact I'd appreciate loosing a few more pounds.  I think this country is too obsessed with weight.  I felt fitter when I was 6 stone, but the medical profession aren't happy with that.  sometimes I just think, why can't they leave us alone to work things out for ourselves.  How much do we really need the doctor (says the hypochondriac, in there nearly every week)?  I just thought the other day there's nothing wrong with me and my husband says it's all in the mind. It's freeing to believe that but difficult for me.Nearly every thought is negative.  Why can't I 'always look on the Bright side of life'/

bye for now

Couging better

17/2/2017
It's been a week now and I'm still sleeping  upright in bed because of the coughing. This morning was the first time I'd been out all week and that was to see the doctor.  I was panicking for nothing because no-one knows who referred me for an E.N.T.so I can just cancel it.  Got my hearing aids changed today but don't know if they are too loud now and giving me a headache. Had a small baked potato lunchtime, but struggled with it and then had a crippling wind after do I was sorry then and realised I'm still not quite up to eating normally again yet.  I've only lost a couple of pounds; I was hoping it would be more because I still look as if I should be cast in 'Blubber' somehow.
I can't believe clothes wash day has come around again. Where does the time go when you're doing nothing?

I cancelled work today because I don't wasn't any of my nursing home residents to get what I've had all week I think it would kill some of them off.
 I hope you didn't get the bug

Bye for now

Half dead

13/2/2017

I guess you're wondering where I've been the last few days.  Well I had what some would call the flu or just a bad cold, but anyway I could hardly move Sunday and didn't feel like eating at all.  Still not that keen on eating too much.  Been drinking a lot more though. Can't seem to stop;  which I guess is a good thing.  My husband has been the same or even worse as he pulled a muscle and every time he coughed it hurt.

What's the difference between the flu and a cold anyway, and does it affect peopled with M.S more severely?

I can feel a coughing fit coming on.  here I go again.

Bye

Raining wood chips today

9/2/2017
There are little bits of wood shavings everywhere after fitting the door handles and there are still three to go.  So it's from snowy (clean) bits of paper hankies to now wood chips.  It all started with just dust.  It's a good thing that the weather has been fine for our workmen over the last few weeks, yep we're into our 6th week now and there are still little bits to be done and even then we still have to paint the doors ourselves.

When will it ever end.

I've had another letter to attend an E.N. T. clinic so I have to face my worst nightmare again;  the tune up your nose and down your throat.  honestly I can't sing anymore.  My range is extremely limited.
I have to keep changing octaves to sing in church.

It's getting colder folks. Wrap up warm and

Bye for now

Snowing Iindooors

8/2/2017

Well I can't believe I've done it again. I left a paper hanky in the washing so it will be snowing indoors for at least a week now.  The best time to get the white fluff off is when it's still wet, but it's still a big job.

Luckily the doors are nearly finished and the Fridge/freezer is going to be collected by my husbands friend on Saturday so we will be able to settle in then and start getting back to normal.  the trouble with having a brand spanking new kitchen is that you then need to get all the rest of the house done.  we still need to paint the doors white after they builders have gone.  it never ends just like my hanky snow and that little bit of tinsel you find  in June from your Christmas decorations.  why is it always green is what I'd like to know?

Bye for now

Still trapped

6/2/2017

Well the kitchen is finished apart from a door handle.  But it will take about 10 years I think before anyone will be able to see it, as all the builders tools are still in our cubby hole while they have gone off to do another job and will be popping by to finish our new doors when they can.  In the meantime we have a fridge Freezer we cant get rid of and until we do we can't sit on one settee to watch the TV and my husband still can't put his car in the garage because the remaining doors are in there.  So to sum it up we are still in a right mess and can't sort much stuff out.  I can't teach guitar to a little girl I promised before Christmas unless I go to her house.

I went to my 108 year old's birthday party  yesterday and Someone took a photo of us together and blimy she looks healthier than me!

Bye for now

New Doors

1/2/2017

That's the problem when you decorate one part of the house then the rest looks like it needs doing too, but that would be an even bigger task to sort out all the rubbish.  They're still downstairs doing some tweaks to the kitchen and then we're going to have new doors throughout the house, which will mean access all areas we can no longer hide upstairs while they get on with it downstairs.  don't know what we are going to do for dinner and tea. 
I'm having my hearing aids fitted today; that's another thing to look forward to. Apparently about half of people with M.S suffer with some kind of hearing problems, so I am not alone. Though I feel it because I've not spoken to or heard anything from my so-called MS nurse for 2 years now. Perhaps I should give her a call.

Bye for now

Panic over I'm freed

31/1/2017

Well the big fridge went in to our new kitchen and all the other appliances and we've even been using them.  There are a few little bits to finish off and then the ginormous task of putting everything back into different cupboards.

I had the dementia test this morning because I keep forgetting things. It was very simple but I failed it and the doctor is concerned.  I have to have another blood test and maybe a CT scan.  I knew there was something wrong with my memory, so we go from one worry to the next, but I'm not panicking.  I thought the test would be a piece of cake, but how wrong I was.  I just couldn't remember for the life of me the name and address of the person he gave me right at the start.

So enters another chapter.  Stayed tuned I don't know if it has anything to do with my M.S. or not.

Bye for now

Help I'm trapped in my home

25/1/17

Another day living with a great big Fridge in the middle of the living room.  'Help I'm trapped by a Fridge Freezer'.  Don't expect you've ever heard those words before. Life goes on and on and I'm still wearing the same cardigans that I have been wearing for 4 weeks now.  when will it ever end?

Bye for now, I'm off for a hearing test because I think I have Timitus.

You can't tell it's love till you've said 'I hate you'

19/ 1/2016

Just popping round again for a quick check on emails and I think I have time to write another blog. They've managed to send the wrong draining board so that's another set back for our kitchen.  My mother- in-law has had the you view installed to boost her progs.  We tried to watch a DVD on the player and couldn't get anything to work.  My husband had returned home and immediately came over pressed the same buttons I pressed once and they worked.  He always does that so instead of me thanking him I said 'I hate you', but we managed to watch the DVD anyway.  I really do love him and he knows it and he knows I didn't mean it, it just frustrates so much sometimes.

Anyway

Bye for now.  I'll be moving back here to sleep and use the shower on Saturday, but still going over to my mother-in laws for food for the rest of the week.  Chaos everywhere.  No kitchen here and no bathroom there and boxes all around.  I'm going batty.

Back fo anotherr quickie

16/1/2017
Yes, I'm still straying with my mother-in-law  and have just received the news that they will be another week on the kitchen so I will have to change my living arrangements because they are coming to do my mother in law's bathroom, so no kitchen in one house and no bathroom in the other.  I'll have to commute.  It's so confusing at the moment.  But what can you do, just glad I have some diazepam to keep me going.

Don't know when my next blog will be now so take care everyone.

bye for now

Just a Quickie

6/1/2017

Happy New Year to everyone if I haven't said it already.  Just quickly stopped ny to do this and see how the kitchen is slowly progressing  and I mean slow.  Seem to be getting on well with my Mum- in-law.  She likes her house cold too like my husband so I'm constantly turning the heating up and she turning it down.  Missing my husband and his help with food preparation and washing up.  Hating the cold.  But it's mostly rainy today.

Bye for now.  Be glad when I can come back home to a finished house.

Just Typical

2/1/ 2017
Happy New year to everyone.  It seems that as soon as I said I was going to do a blog a day our computer went down for the Christmas Holidays and just came back today.  We spent our holidays clearing out our kitchen to have a new one put in tomorrow.  They say it will take about 2 - 3 weeks, so I still can't do a blog a day until that's finished., as I am going to Haywards Heath to stay with my mother in law while we have no cooker.  that could prove interesting as they might be doing her bathroom.
 Anyway, I'm happy to say that like every other 'Typical' Brit I am stuffed; have put on too much weight over Christmas and now wish I could lose it again( not as much as I did before), but I swear I felt healthier when I was only 6 stone now I'm 8 stone 10 and rising if I keep eating any more chocolates.  It's hard to stop eating now I know that I can, but it's still slow and my drinking is not 'normal' or should I say typical' as that is todays subject.  I'll endeavor to get back home as much as I can to do my blog 9and see how the kitchen is developing).

So Bye for now